| Subject: Carmen Electra |
Author:
MikeyMike
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Date Posted: 07:30:52 04/20/05 Wed
Why do I know who Carmen Electra is? Does she entertain? Sing? Dance? Act? No. At least not better than, say, any high school production of Les Miserables. Hell, I'd be shocked if she even knows who wrote Les Mis. Now with the reality tv zoo tour 'Til Death Do Us Part finished, whatever will she do to stay in the spotlight for the last thirty seconds of her 15 minutes?
Right. A five DVD set of Aerobic Striptease. FIVE! You know, when Led Zeppelin released their box set, it was four CDs. And that's fuckin' Led Zeppelin! What the fuck is Carmen Electra doing for ten hours?! Does Dennis Rodman make a guest appearance? Ms. Electra can barely hold people's attention as a bit player in a half-hour tv show - how, even if she is taking her mostly-not-there clothes off, will she keep obese housewives doing pelvic thrusts and twirls on a chrome pole?
I say we bring back the Gong Show. This time, however, the only contestents are "celebrities" who are on their last legs and are desperately grasping at the end of the submerged rope that leads to the straw floating on the surface of the entertainment lake they are drowning in. The verdicts from the judges will go one of three ways:
1. They must become a contestant on Fox's celebrity boxing and if they win, they get to have a job as a craft services person on television/movie sets. If they lose, they must become a sanitation worker in a large urban metropolis.
2. Leave entertainment forever and get a job that involves a cubicle and a nametag.
3. Stay in entertainment, but in another country. Forever. At their own expense. The equivalent of entertainment banishment.
Anyone who has ever been on The Surreal Life or is presently on a reality tv show are going to make up the first two seasons of The New Gong Show. Flavor Flav and Corey Feldman, I'm talking to you. Just to tie this back to the topic at hand, Carmen Electra has to "strip aerobic" herself on stage and then, unceremoniously, be told to get her ass re-sized by that woMAN Chyna in a boxing ring at the Boise, Idaho YMCA, followed by a very loud "shut the FUCK up".
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