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Date Posted: 09:38:08 03/24/05 Thu
Author: James
Subject: Spiritual or Mortal interaction?

I've just read the section on Spirtual Protection and Possession. It's given me some great insight on what is going on with me, but the last section about mortals gaining spiritual ability raises a question.

I am a very spiritually open person. Very aware, and very intuitive. I am also a healer.

About 2 months ago I had a non-sex, but sexual encounter with someone and since then I have had a "connection" with them that I either can't, or won't allow myself to shut down. Part of that is that I found this person to be exceptional - and don't want to let them go.. BUT I havn't seen them since, even though we have communicated by email and I do have the option to see them again when I visit the city they are in again.

To me the connection looks like a silver tube, which attaches to me just above the heart. It draws energy upward and outward, creating a dull pain in that area, and drawing energy IN through my left shoulder blade. It is almost constant. I can disconnect it now after much work, but when I do I don't cast it away - I leave it hanging there. When I disconnect, the energy sometimes reverses - I receive.

There is SOMETHING going on. At times I can feel / see what she is doing, and at times feel that she is watching me. What I don't know though, is if this is an ilusion created by some spiritual entity that I am buying into, or if she actually has gained some spirit type of ability, and this is exerting some kind of control over me - which I think I am very open to, as for some reason I think I met her for a reason.

Something that may be related is that uring the same time period my wife has started to see a child enter through the wall of our bedroom at night. She has seen this when she is awake, and has started to try to ask him what he wants, but that usually wakes me up, and he leaves.

My part is keeping the connection alive is that I would love to believe that she is great - and that we might have a healthy relationship that is of value to us both - although due to my circumstances that cannot be sexual.. and infact I don't get that would be the purpose of the relationship. Because of the way we met, there will ALWAYS be a sexual undertone - but I don't get that this will be the focus.

I am further confused because when I actually get myself straight, and attempt "close" the connection, which I have done twice, she contacts me within hours. I like rituals, and I have a candle ritual where I light a candle and go to sleep. When the candle goes out, whatever I want happens, happens in that instant. On both occasions, the emails I have received from her coincide with around the time that the candle would have gone out.

It's been incredibly draining, but also good for me, in that through the process I have let go of much of the mediocrity in myself that I have settled for recently, and found passion again - but the connection is still there - and it is draining.

I'm looking for answers. If this is some spiritual deception, then there is enough evidence for me to believe that we are BOTH involved in it, and that she is either aware of it, or is at least partly controlled by it too. If that is the case I would want to take steps to make contact with her and work out what is going on together. If this is a manipulation by her, then I must acknowledge that, deal with the fact that this isn't healthy for me and close the door, no matter what it takes.

What do I want? I'm tired of trying to work that out. Part of me thinks that having her in my life makes my life better, and that there is a healthy way ( probably non sexual ) that such a think can happen without conflicting with the rest of my life. The only way I can imagine that is if I am in a support role - something I do as a healer, where the coming together is sacred, and where I am more than capable of creating an impeccable safe, trusting and loving space for her. Intuitively I get that this may be a possibility.

Seeking resolution.

Thanks

James.

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