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Date Posted: 21:46:20 01/22/03 Wed
Author: Darrin Chaos
Subject: Flashbacks Part One (Off-Camera)





Flashbacks: Part One



A little boy sits at a table surrounded by his family, all singing to him. A broad smile is plastered across his face, and as they finish singing he leans over and blows out all of the candles on his birthday cake. Now the little boy is in a swimming pool, splashing around with a number of other children, having a good time. Images like these continue to run.

I don’t very well remember my childhood, but I think that I was happy, at least for the earlier portions. Or maybe… no, I was a very happy child. Why wouldn’t I be? I had a loving family with plenty of money, I had everything I needed, where did I ever go wrong? What could have happened for me to end up the way I did?

The same sort of images continue, but it is clear that the little boy is growing up. Now he is riding a bike, playing basketball, other types of things, and now appears to be about 10 or 11. He is definitely starting to dress differently… more carelessly somehow. After a brief moment the boy is in Middle School. His hair is growing longer, now he’s dressing like a punk more than anything else, and now it is clear that he is becoming angrier. Instead of riding his bike or going to birthday parties, he is now failing classes at school, screaming at his parents, and spending hours of every day secluded in his bedroom.

Middle school, that must be where it started. That was the beginning of my downward spiral. But why? What was the trigger? Was it the other kids? Was it my family? Something inside of me? And why does this all come back now? Does anything make sense?

The boy is in high school now, and has totally cut himself off from everyone else, family, friends, church, nobody else matters to him now. Other kids at school shun him and laugh at him, but he can escape from them. He has found an old heavy bag lying out to be picked up by the garbage truck, and taken it home, hanging it from the ceiling in his room. He spends hours every day locked in his room, laying into the bag, taking out all of his frustrations on it. The boy is growing stronger, the other kids at school know better than to mock him now. His temper and depression grow steadily worse, and nobody knows what to do about it.

What went wrong? How could I possibly have gone so wrong?

Darrin Chaos awakens with a start and sits straight up in his bed, beads of sweat forming on his forehead. The dreams started just before Rock Bottom, and still they show no sign of stopping any time soon. Darrin sighs and lies back down, knowing that he will not be getting any more sleep tonight.

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