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Date Posted: 01:03:09 03/19/03 Wed
Author: TJ Raven
Subject: The Wasteland of America Has Nice Decorations

//The scene opens deep in the Alaskan tundra, a shrill breeze sweeps over the barren landscape of endless white. This scene and tranquil scene is soon spoiled by the sound of an approaching vehicle. a breif pause and then a snowmobile pulls up, with TJ Raven seated on the back dressed in full arctic camo gear. He stops and shakes the snow off of his coal black hair as if whips around in the wind\\

Hey, always good to be in the true outdoors. Out where you really find out what you're made of. Although I guess you could always find out what you're made of at a truckstop too. I mean, let's say you run away from a group of truckers, but return to grab a camera, then turn tail and run again. Some would consider you to be chickenshit, and they'd probably be right. I however have come out into the wastelands of America, the last fronteir, and all that other crap that goes on license plates to find a victim.

//TJ shakes a bit letting out a slight chuckle\\

Now I hear you asking? What kind of victim are you going to find in the middle of no where, a penguin? Nah, penguins don't live up here Stupid. My victim is much larger than any penguin, just a matter of tracking him down.

//Maybe a couple hundred yards away a polar bear walks through the snow, minding it's own business but still somewhat curious to this newcomer, this intruder into his territory\\

Ah speak of the Devil. I knew he wouldn't let me down. Watch this.

//TJ takes a baton out from behind his back and rides off towards the 1,000 plus pound behemoth of white fur. Alarmed by the approaching intruder the polar bear rears up on it's hind legs, soaring into the sky well over 8 feet. As TJ approaches he swings the baton out at the bear. A quick zap and it becomes obvious TJ is harassing the bear with a cattle prod. A few passes and close calls occur before TJ either becomes bored or just feels sorry for the bear and he returns to the camera's side as the bear runs in the opposite direction\\

Ah that was fun, but not for too long, loses interest fast. But I still have other things to entertain myself.

//TJ once again reaches behind himself and pulls a shotgun from the rear rack of the snowmobile\\

Maybe we'll make old Whitey there happy, Pop off a couple seals then he wont feel so bad about being shocked. Imagine me a former SEAL, shooting other seals. IT's funny in a sick sort of way. Seal shooting does sound fun though.

//Shrug\\

We'll see. No promises though.

//As TJ begins to speak again the camera catches view of a returning polar bear, stalking through the snow with the greatest of stealth\\

Now, onto Kev. I hear you saying that you're going to beat me, doesnt matter where or when. You'll fight anywhere, anytime and anyplace. Blah, blah, blah just send me a memo if you're going to spout out the classic "badass" routine.

//The polar bear is getting dangerously close, but he still goes undetected by TJ\\

In fact Kev. Why even bother showing up? You know you're going to lose. Why waste my time, and your time, and even the time of the fans who paid hard earned money to buy a seat. Poor saps, screw them and their hard earned money, but my time is valuable. In fact.....

//TJ is interupted mid sentence by the polar bear as it lurches up behind him ready to swing his treetrunk paws at TJ. Whether training or instinct, TJ quickly spins around towards the polar bear and fires a shotgun blast at the bear's head. The head is now gone and the giant mass just comes tumbling down atop TJ and his snowmobile trapping him beneath the huge beasts girth. Squirming out from under the massive animal TJ scrambles to his feet\\

Holy shit! I can't believe that bear came back. Jesus Christ, that was close. But on the bright side I get a new bear skin rug for my trouble. I've always wanted one of those, ever since I was a little boy. Even though this one has no head.

//Shrugging his shoulders\\

Ah well can't complain when it's free.

//As TJ walks over towards the bear carcass he stops as though remembering something\\

Oh by the way, Kev. Umm show up. Don't show up. It's all good, you'll lose either way.

//TJ looks intently at the carnage that the bear and the shotgun have left upon the once peaceful scene, the snow now dyed a bright red, with scraps of flesh and other assorted pieces decorating the serene surroundings.\\

Oh Kev, I leave you with the same thing Vince McMahon told me when I asked him for a job a few years back.

//TJ holds up a picture of Vince McMahon *View below* and laughs to himself as the scene fades\\

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