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Subject: Re: How I explain this to my son


Author:
Shelly
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Date Posted: 22:11:02 08/16/07 Thu
In reply to: Shari 's message, "Re: How I explain this to my son" on 12:07:41 08/14/07 Tue

Heather -all you can do is continue to be honest with your son. I went to a therapist (actually -I went to two to see if they said the same thing). Both told me to tell the truth about my daughters fathers drug use. It's not easy for them b/c they really do not understand what it all means or how it has to do with them. But, as they get older they will understand as well as know that mom always told the truth. When my daughter was little and her dad wasn't in her life (pre-meth days when he was simply young, selfish and immature -okay -he's the same just strung out on meth), I would tell my daughter that her daddy loves her, he just isn't capable of being a good daddy. I explained to her that she is very lucky to have a mommy that loves her more than anything in this world -and that is more than some children have. After her and her father met, bonded, spent time together-then he became a drug user and left her again -I told her the truth about his drug problem so that she would never ever think it was something she did or didn't do -or that she was unlovable. You simply have to explain it has nothing to do with your son -and his daddy does love him, he just can't be the daddy that he deserves to have. My daughter is now 13 and she still struggles with it...and tells people she doesn't have a dad (when she speaks of him, she calls him by his first name now -though she rarely speaks of him and when she does it's with anger.
Its so sad and frustrating that these men's choices in their lifes effects us and that the children suffer the consequences more than anyone else. It really saddens me! :(
Keep doing what your doing Heather....everything will be okay and your son will grow up knowing what a wonderful, strong, healthy, trusting, and honest mommy he has! :)
God Bless!

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