| Subject: You are all in my prayers..... |
Author:
Heather
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Date Posted: 09:26:27 09/13/06 Wed
In reply to:
Shelly
's message, "Re: I think it's time, I feel it" on 22:21:18 09/12/06 Tue
=) A new car? Nice....now that's what I'm talking about. Do things that make you HAPPY.
I am doing great and will continue to do great.
FYI .....God layed it on my heart to file for this divorce and to go through with it. I couldn't understand why, but I see the results and now I know. It hit Spencer HARD. With him being clean the past few months or so, going to court opened his eyes about alot of things. He called to make arrangements to see his son and he came to talk to me about his issues. He needed to talk and that was a first. He let me know that the arrogance was exactly what I said, a product of him letting other people lead him instead of getting the real help for recovery so that he can find HIM. He agreed by telling me that everything I said was right. He told me that he feels overwhelmed right now and he needs to start taking things one day at a time. He was clean before he started working and that seemed easy because he had no responsibility, now he owns his own company for commercial cleaning back at the old job that he got fired from. Well things aren't goint exactly the way he planned because there are people there that don't like him, and those people are still using I am sure. He was discouraged about that and I talked to him about that and gave him some advice that he actually took, WOW! Being positive with him in the past was difficult, but once he gave up on the arrogance and announced that he is powerless, I knew he was on his way to recovery. He was able to tell me that he is not at a point where he can pick his son up on a regular schedule but will do anything to see him regularly. It all seems to be too much to handle at one time for him and it is good that he finally admitted it and used good communication. So we agreed to visits for him and Spencer. He has talked to him everyday this week so far and has actually helped me alot. Something I really needed. So with this said, like many said before, just because they are not using meth doesnt mean they are better or even in recovery. That is something they have to work at within themselves. You can talk and talk and talk but until they open their ears and listen, they are only hearing what is between their ears..............FOG.
So anyways...we will see if he can keep his head up. The more people throw a fork in his road, he seems to get stronger. That is a good sign for him. I am great. Something in my head and heart changed recently and I know it was God's doing. I have nothing bad to say to Spencer, I am just letting him be him and become the dad he wants to be one day at a time. My baby loves him so much and wants him so bad all the time. Now I know that if his dad stays consistent, my son will trust him again and the pain will start to ease. Right now he just doesn't know when the next time he will see him is and that is a result of his past. We have to start somewhere and I feel this is a start for Spencer and my baby. It makes a huge difference when they can tell you the truth and tell you what is going on in their head and heart and how they want to handle things and what will work for them instead of badgering them to do what you want them to do. That doesn't work. It really makes a difference.
So I will tell anyone, put it in God's hands and trust him and pray. Things will work out the way God has planned and he has made sure my heart and mind are clear enough to handle this. I don't feel any pain actually. I feel joy that the man that had somany problems is actually wanting to learn about recovery and wanting to learn how to do everything we do daily. That is one thing he told me. Heather I don't understand how you can do all that you do.
=) I told him PRAY! Pray for everything and then let it go and let God handle the path for you.
God is good and if you stay quiet and listen, you will hear him and you will know what you are supposed to do for him to work.
Take care everyone and I will check in from time to time and let you know what is going on with me and my sweet babies, and their dad.......
I know I babled in this post, but it came straight from my heart.
Love all of you ,
Heather
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