| Subject: For WorriedMom and others who have taken our path |
Author:
Been There
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Date Posted: 15:28:23 04/30/06 Sun
Worried Mom.
I SO have Been There. I do not know if you have read my story? I also did lots of things, including drinking every day $50 a day in the bars for 2½. years. Yes I know what you mean by now you understand the addict. He is doing the same thing you are doing, killing his pain. He wants to stop like you but has a compulsions use. He may stop for a while like you will, then you hear a song, see the news, watch a funny comedian, and it triggers your compulsion to drink and his to use. Yes I have been there too. You do not have Empathy for your son because of your addiction. To truly have Empathy for him is to find out his pain and the reason of what hurts him and causes him to self medicate.
Do not confuse understanding addiction with understanding your addict. Your son understands your addiction but he does not have empathy for you until he puts himself in your shoes of motherhood, watching her son die. When he truly is willing to take all your pain and happiness in his heart and truly tries to understand you, then and only then can he empathize with you. You need to do the same with him if you want to have true empathy for your son. Addiction is just a cruel awful symptom to a deeper human pain.
I also want to say see why they have ex addicts in Treatment center. Melinda being an ex addict jumped all over you about your addiction and did not allow you to make excuses/Denial for YOUR use. Bravo for Melinda. The best reason you need to stop drinking is if your son needs to stay with you, or has his own child that needs a place to stay. You need to start making efforts to quit your addiction. That way you will be physically able to help your son when he needs it. If he sobered up it would not be wise or in his best interest to move in with another addict. That addict would be you!
Now is your drinking so bad that your son knows, maybe others are telling him? If so in a way that can be good thing, because he will feel more comfortable that you had a problem and understand addiction. But I warn you do not preach to him about his drug use, if he knows about your use. This will only fuel the fire of his addiction and cause more triggers of compulsion. You will become a huge hypocrite and will give him reason to hate you and make more excuses for his use.
Empathy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy
Quote from Doug’s crystal Meth Recovery site.
This is not Empathy this is Addiction:
My Addiction
You can't describe it,
unless you’ve seen it.
You can't explain it,
unless you’ve done it.
You can't imagine it,
unless you’ve been there.
Then, it never goes away.
Addiction and disease:
http://www.medical-online.com/addict.htm
Can Help You sleep and an alternative to Prozac:
5-HTP:
http://www.5-htp.net/
My help you relax and work on you drinking:
Becalm’d
http://www.adhd-becalmd.com/orders.php?id=19529
Alcohol:
http://www.acde.org/common/Alcohol.htm
My Story, now I wrote this when I was still drinking and my own denial worded my story like I drank for a year and then I found this site. I should have said I found this site and it helped me understand Meth addiction but I am still drinking my own pain away. So I applaud your honesty, worried mom. Good Luck.
My Story:
I am 32 and live on the west side of Cleveland. I dealt with someone I lived with and loved very much for over two years turn in to a monster due to meth; she used for two years before I met her and she was clean for three and went back to using. Lots of hell went along with that try not to think about it so much. She change in a months time, going out all night and day, infatuated over a 20 year old part time meth dealer, and all the jealousy and pain I had from not knowing what was going on, was my life. Did not take me long to find out and when I did it got worse, I was her best friend so now she would talk to me or cry to me about the 20 year old doesn’t want to fuck her. I had to literally kick her out and change my locks. The worst thing is having things that you hear or that were said or you’ve seen going over and over and over and over and over and over in your mind.
My sister is a coke/crack head for 14 years was clean for 5 months went back to using then was clean for 7 months because she was in prison and got out on Dec 6th of 2004 and was using again on Christmas. Went back to jail for possession + other priers, she got 18 months, 8 months was done in rehab. She is hopefully still clean to this day. I am good friends with an ex junkie (Heroin) who has used for 18 years now clean for 9 years. Friend of mine that I grew up with went to jail for 3 years for trafficking heroin. I have done every type of drug myself not proud of it and very lucky never to any excess to live through the hells of addiction. I think I am and try to be very open minded about addicts, that is why lots of people seem to think I was one at one time but I was not. I think it would be an insult to other addicts to say I was. Like my ex Junkie friend says he earned the right to be called an addict.
I personally find the pain of a loved one hurts more than a family member. With someone you love you become one with them and are intimate with them and when they start acting so different it is unimaginable feeling of pain. Worse than someone cheating and it has a different feel to it. But with a loved one we have an easier cure just cut you’re losses and leave it was not my problem and our relationship would never be the same after all the hellish things she has done. With a family member it hurts and it makes me sick to see my sister crashed on the couch and my nephew of 5 standing on a chair to get to the microwave to cook himself a cheese sandwich. With a family member you see them every holiday or family function and it reminds you of their addiction. I found this site after I went through a year of my own healing process. I do not recommend but I drank every night and treated women like bus stops for a while. When I found this site and started reading peoples posts the first thing that went through my head was been there. So knowing some things that I now know I try to help people out.
Good Luck.
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