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Subject: Butchers rewarded on weekend off

Author:
The Mole

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Date Posted: 03:20:24 05/17/03 Sat

With the butchers having the weekend off, Coach Skinny Jones has rewarded the players efforts by lifting the ban placed on players visiting Charcoal Chicken and Jims Fish Shop. Worried by the figures of several key butchers players, Jones had banned the players from these favourite eating places. "Yeah, its been tough on a few of them, as well as myself" Said Jones."The only bloke who wasnt banned was Twiggy Hart, we feel he needs to put on some bulk, but it hasnt worked. Spirros and Jim have withdrawn legal action against me and ill be shouting some scallops for the boys this weekend.
In breaking news, it has been revealed that the driving force behind the success of Brett Jones' coaching career,his offsider, Pudd Whitefeild, is demanding better conditions in his recently upgraded contract. Whitefeild, a scheming hooker from wayback, is the man who comes up with the big calls from the sideline when jones starts frothing at the mouth with pressure. Whitefeild, who has a football mind that has been compared to jack gibson, is a behind the scenes man who rarely receives the accolades he deserves, and now with the recent run of success, Puddy wants to start being recognised. " I cant beleive that i never get a mention in any press releases by the club. I put in hours of hard work every week for the club, but still only get one fuckin free middy after home games.My new contract is a step forward but ill be seeking more compensation for the things i do that go unrecognised" Whitefeild was recently criticised for a not providing oranges at half time, and for not showing the emotion that Jones does on the sideline when the heat is on. "im good under pressure" said Pudd " Brett struggles and starts going all red and chewing on durries every time something goes wrong. I always used to provide oranges at halftime for the boys until one home game a few years ago when the boys were warming up, noone could find homer or wertzel jones, yep , you guessed it, they were scoffin down the oranges as well as a few pies with peas they had smuggled from the canteen. I swore to the boys i would never reveal this but the time has come for the heat to be taken off me"
And in final news, my sources have spotted several players sneaking in private bowls lessons with local bowling champion, simon mcgovern, in readiness for the upcoming bowls day. The day is very competitive and insiders are putting early money on Wildcard entry Steve Trivett to lead his team to victory.

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