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Date Posted: 06:38:29 11/17/02 Sun
Author: Lalinda
Subject: It was just supposed to be a game.

RudeBasta and I met on the chatroom on the scifi bboard many months ago...

I never thought I would find true love...and certainly not with someone with such a handle. LOL!

I thought we were just play-acting...acting out a storyline like in the story I write, and I don't even have a clue to when the line was crossed. But it finally was crossed too far on Friday night. Friday night when we had the wedding set for.

We had only two days of planning for the wedding and the two of us went into the chatroom twice...and those two times was when I got to know a different guy than the one he always shows in the chatroom and on the boards.

I wish all of you could have known him like I learned to.

He was funny, sweet, sensitive...more sensitive than he'd ever been given credit for.

I don't know when I started falling for him, but I remember that before the wedding he started telling me he would never let me fall in love with him...I thought that was funny at the time, but now I know that it was already too late when he said it.

I could probably get over it faster if I didn't find out that he was having these same feelings for me.

It happened during the wedding reception...Suddenly he said that it was feeling too real to him and I said it felt too real to me as well.

We were private messaging and were getting into some serious stuff...something that I just hadn't expected.

Then suddenly he said he had to get out of the private chat box and join the rest of the guests...

When he said good night and told me he was going to put the garlic (which he changed to Gardenias and Lilacs) on the bed, he didn't waste any time getting out of the chatroom.

I made a joke about I hoped he wasn't that fast in bed.

Well, he wrote me a letter and left me the next morning. I didn't realize that he was hurting as bad as I am now.

I don't even have the satisfaction of going through a divorce and becoming disenchanted with him. He is gone and that is all.

Except now I know there will never be another man in my life. I have no desire to find another one.

It was really really too late for me.

I'm glad I have my own board to vent on.

He sent me two songs...one through Mike and one onhis own.

He sent me Touch Me In the Morning by Diana Ross and had Mike find and send to me Sometimes When we Touch by Dan Hill. I am playing them now. I know I shouldn't because it only makes it hurt more, but I cannot help it.

If he thought running away was going to be the best thing for the both of us, I suppose that is what he was thinking, but I know now that what I feel for him, I will never feel for anyone else.

I'm sorry this is so long, but I just had to get all this out in the open...You can't get over the pain until you share what you are feeling.

I hope he is happy and can find some happiness with someone some day...He is too young to have to carry this pain around with him for the rest of his life.

Lalinda

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