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Date Posted: 22:46:51 02/15/03 Sat
Author: Jen
Subject: Nicole

Please leave me alone. You got me to feel very bad about myself. You got my to cry, okay? You won. You always win. I'm about to quit SS. If you want me to, just say it. Because you won. You just wont stop until you hurt someone into hurting themselves, will you? You just wont pay attention. I said that I was sorry, this is not my fault. I am not after your boyfriend, I never was. I'm still in trauma from Lee. You have no reason to hate me, no reason to feel anything towards me. You have proven that you hate me, and that I am barely worth licking the shoes of the devil. What more do you want? Do you want me to die? Would that be your best win yet? To make someone kill themself? You have made me feel like I have done the biggest sin in the world just by trying to live. I never tried to hurt you, yes we have had our differences, but why continually hurt me? For about half a year you've pretended to be my friend. What did I ever do in my life that means I deserve your harrasment? They are pretend horses. I thought our friendship was more than that. I guess you just wanted to use me. Make me think I was your friend and then rip me to pieces. Is that what you wanted? What do you want from me? Do you want me to quit SS? Tell me and I will. Do you want me to die? I'll kill myself. You won. That's all you ever wanted. Was to be the best, the winner. Well you are. You are God Almighty in your own way. You got me to feel sorry for you. Well you know what? I no longer respect you or feel sorry for you. You tell about how horrible your life has been. What about how horrible you make other people's lives? I'm sick and tired of fighting with you. I don't deserve to be treated the way you're treating me. True, I have sinned in my life, but I have always come clean about it and taken the consequences. When are you going to get off of your high horse and accept the fact that you are not perfect and that you make mistakes just like the rest of us. If Andy made a mistake, would you harrass him? No, I don't believe you would. You would tell it's okay, and he's forgiven, that you love him. Where is that in my life? Where is my forgiveness? I did nothing wrong. Why are you punishing me? I don't care if you're not reading this still. It hurts more to keep this bottled in side than to get it out. And you've probably blocked my e-mail address, so I figure this is the only way to get through to you. All I can tell you is that you won, it's all over. Basically, you destroyed me. I was never that much in the beginning. Why do you take pleasure in destroying and hurting others? I never did anything to you in the first place. All I did was give you chance after chance after chance to be my friend. Well guess what, that's over. The way you treat others I'm surprised you have Andy, or any friends. The way you've treated me is like how a master would treat his servant. I accidentally did someting to displease you, so you whip me until I bleed and die. It's so cruel, Nicole. I hate using things like that, because I hate that some people think that whipping others is okay. It was cruel, just like some part inside of you. You lead me on to believe you were my friend for about half a year. Then suddenly something happens and you begin harrassing me for something I did not do, saying you hate me and that I was never your friend? Where did that come frome? You can be nice at times, but why do you jump to conclusions? We could have talked things out. It wouldn't have hurt you any. All I can ask is that you please leave me alone. I did nothing to deserve the way you have lead me on, used me, then harrassed me after never giving me a chance to defend myself. Who do you think you are? The judge, jury, and executioner? Just please leave me alone. Don't you think you've done enough damage to one person for one day? I hope you're happy with who you are now. Because if you don't make an effort to change, this is who you will be for the rest of your life. Can you live with that?

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