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Date Posted: 19:27:43 09/10/02 Tue
Author: [ v a l i e n t e ]
Subject: [ oh, the t e d i o u s realms of hatred ]

.bear with me.

you don't know how much i need you
while you're near me i don't feel blue
and when we kiss i know you need me too
i can't believe i found a love3 that's so pure and true

but it all was bullshit
it was a goddamn joke
and when i think of you linda
i hope you ####ing choke

- - - - - - - - -

.it was darkness and it was silence, the pain and the culmination of an attempt that seemed to be met with nothing but the dark face of failure. the childish storytelling of ages ago, when she'd first become an Amazon, now fell upon the deaf ears of those who didn't understand the storyline, didn't remember the characters, and mindlessly regarded the entire situation as pure fallacy. now that it was time, time for her to throw off the cloak of little red riding hood and become cinderella, she was met with indecision and anger as to her methods. cinderella faded, snow white faded, and suddenly she was no longer gazing into a fair and young face when she glanced into her mirror. no, the haggard appearance of the wicked queen now stared back at her, the dapper facade she so often attempted to present fell and the tears came, locked in a chamber of her own self doubt.

.it must be so easy to simply inhabit, claiming a rank and moving easily to and fro without reprocussion of your actions. but no, place yourself upon this pedestal, looking down to a fall of hundreds of feet, and tell me that the fear you begin to feel doesn't begin to warp your mindset, your personality...i see no others coming forth, i see no others making an attempt to help, and the only time many appear is to chastise me for my inopportune actions. perfection is something i strive for, perfection of my reign and of myself, but some days i fall hundreds of miles short of my lofty aim. its the downfall of the leader, the downfall of the loved and lauded, the downfall of those whose entire life is spent within the eye of the populace. ages ago, before the fall of the greats, before i was what i am now, when i was a mere general and life was a melting pot of pleasure and pain, i witnessed even the great satyr coming face to face with his short comings, realizing the imperfection of his reign, his harem, his very life...and in those moments, i felt the pain, the anguish, the lonliness of his position as i now feel the lonliness of mine.

.he receded, fell and ran to clear his mind, clear his thoughts, but he returned to a faithful queen, dapper seconds and intent generals. an entire empire that followed, traipsing upon the red carpet for but a glance at greatness...i am but a child, consumed with the death of my saviors. consider this, if you will, take a moment to assume the position i now hold, look from my perch upon the convoluted path i've had to walk. i came here, to these lands, as but a mere servant. i rose, silently and vindictively, acquiring rank to eventually assume a position as one of the dual generals. life, pleasing and calm, surrounded me, and cares and worries dissipated within the candy red of the evening sky.

but that changed

.suddenly i was upholden, losing rank and gaining title, confused and bewildered upon the throne of queen. certainly, i was chosen for my worth, for my integrity and for the path i could lead the amazons upon. confusing yes, blindly seeking the absolution of pain following the deaths of my proverbial parents, but left with my stalwart friends and allies vanquish and anthem...of course, from their perches these would be the next to fall. a child, a child, left alone, to govern a kingdom to the best of her ability...an ability that is still forming, still embryonic, still in its initial stages of creation. the inhabitants of the lands, all going upon their merry business, pledging their undying loyalty and suddenly choosing to turn upon me with inanimate criticism. no one ever claimed that i was perfect, no one ever asked a leader to be perfect.

.i come forth, i assuage the fears of a kingdom, i rescue my proverbial child, and i am criticised for doing what, in any mother's mind, would have been correct? i lose an integral part of the kingdom, namely devious, and i pass on without a grimace, without an outward pouring of the pain i fell within. i move within, listening to the outpouring of support and revel in the kindness of those amazons who choose to profess such alliances, and then am stabbed within the back when i make one mistake...if one can even call it a mistake? what are you asking for, when you're asking for a leader? do you wish hitler, to lead you to a greatness that will eventually lead to your demise? do you wish mussolini, to lead you to greatness and leave you with my own death? do you wish churchill, to lead you to greatness only to be rescued from certain demise? do you wish roosevelt, to lead you to greatness, sacrificing countless lives in the wake of disaster?

.do you want princess diana, the cherished heart of a nation, a figurehead who had no intention of ever receiving the crown but who did nonetheless? whose delightful antics and kind ways won the hearts of the people, and whose own love ended only in death? imperfections are part of the line of work i belong to, sibling spats are a part of the sisterhood i give my loyalties to. you mock me, you criticise me, you flail me and you destroy me, but still i remain. i refuse to fade, i refuse to die. i refuse to allow you to destroy my emotions, destroy my life, to destroy all i've been given and all that i require. alone i reign, and although my lonesome rule might be considered a dictatorship, far from it is my interpretation. i can try, and i can try, but obviously it is not enough for you.

.you claim i'm distant...i've lost my parents. you claim i'm cold...i've lost my king. you claim i'm angry...i've lost my friend. i charge you to feel anything else but this in the face of death, in the face of misused worth, and in the face of loss. certainly my moods are fluctuating, but with the losses i've experienced within these last moments, can you expect me to experience anything but these concepts? i accept the criticism, but it falls against me as liquid to a waterbird. know it only serves to deepen my pallor, reserve my emotions. it is for reasons such as this that i refuse to show emotion, for if i were to do anything of the sort the only thing i'm assured of is being stabbed in the back. so run at me with knives, throw at me your axes and spurn me with your swords. perhaps i deserve it. perhaps i deserve to die, to forget and to recede...but what i deserve is not often what i accept, and such is the case here. show me you're worthy of trust, show me you're worthy of my loyalty, and perhaps the queen you expect will resurface...but i've been hurt too deeply, too deftly, and though i'm sure you mean well, your words cut like ice against heat.

.i am imperfect. i accept it.
why can't you

- - - - - - - - - -

you say you want
diamonds and rings of gold
you say you want
the story to remain untold

but all the promises we made
from the cradle to the grave
and all i want is you

you say you'll give me
a highway with no one on it
treasure just to look upon it

- - - - - - - - - -

[ v a l i e n t e ]
she o absolution

- - - - - - - - - -

[ affixed ]
[ v a l i e n t e ]

[ t i t l e d ]
she o absolution

[ aged ]
[ f i v e ]

[ l i n e a g e ]
[ a r a b i c ]

ooc
.jessers.

.miss_priss_85@yahoo.com.
.xxbohemianmusexx.
^aim^

am i waddling about?

- - - - - - - - - -

ooc. am very lazy, and simply copy pasted an old post to give you an idea of my "talents"

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