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Date Posted: 18:10:25 05/09/01 Wed
Author: Rafaél
Subject: Re: As One, silver spoon
In reply to: Persephone 's message, "As One, silver spoon" on 16:37:28 05/09/01 Wed

Great images, I like your combination here,
as whole this is for me an enjoyable piece
thank you!
Suggestions below

Take care

Rafael




As One, Silver Spoon



When the moon lyrically calls
beams silver(maybe a comma)so I fall.
If havest gold, once blue beauties accrue.(comma perhaps instead)
Gentle powers, siren's sweet voodu.

Draws me forth and out,
the veiling of night.
Lets good beyond doubt,
reverent m'heart's graceful flight.(ditto)
Using excuse of your wistful rays.

Know some, evil they dole (mmm not sure about this one)
To me, their so boll weevils,
lost in life's thick cotton maze.

O sweet moon. (for me these could also be commas, as I found the less inhibited read more powerful)
your silver path's mystic of romance.
Wafts me to swirl spin, the dance.
As one, of two .. silver spoons.

Just my humble opions lol,
thanks

Rafael

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