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Date Posted: 13:42:37 01/26/01 Fri
Author: Rafaél
Subject: Re: Around the Skein
In reply to: Synklaire Cuomo (paris) 's message, "Around the Skein" on 15:58:40 01/25/01 Thu

take the next
part from the
main placement,
strewn from the bone,
reeks of the fire of hell,
step back, quaking at the edge,
step back, breath in, step back, breath out,
fall to canyon floor,
weightless sun follows you
to the demise of self-righteousness,
the next placement, the skin around the skein


I enjoyed this paris,

Only one small thought, re: the line breaks,
well two line breaks to be precise.
Admittedly there are commas to guide the reader
but hey, you know how it is when you get into
the flow of reading,
Personally I just find it easier to stay on track with
the breaks as above.

Thanks for an enjoyable read

Rafael

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