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Date Posted: 10:33:59 02/18/03 Tue
Author: Hop Scotch sunday surprise
Subject: Walnuts Corner

For my first “shot” (not like a “shot in the mouth”, more like an attempt) at a bi-weekly article, I’m gonna try to list some shit that makes me happy and/or keeps me sane, OTHER than my amazing girlfriend <3Leslie<3 (xoxoxo)J. This week I’m gonna rant about shit I like, and my next article will be about shit that I don’t like. You might find it interesting, you might find it boring, you may want to stab me in the face with a rusty butter knife, but you’ll be enlightened nonetheless. Why don’t we start off on a happy note, cause being happy fucking rules. In no particular order, here’s my list.


1. Slurpees- Quite possibly one of the greatest concoctions in the known universe.


2. Pez- Being the collector loser that I am, I feel pez dispensers are one of the most incredible collectible products ever. EVER. Seriously, not only is the candy amazing (imagine a fruit or peppermint flavored orgasm in your mouth), but also if you happen to be a hoser with nothing better to do, like myself, then you can collect the dispensers and trade them with your friends. Unless you have no friends. Then you should die.


3. Nintendo- Everything they put out destroys. NES, SNES, N64, Game Cube, Game Boy, Game Boy Advance, fuckin amazing. AND they have Zelda. If you don’t like Zelda, then you probably should go see a doctor cause your fucking retarded.


4. Cars- Classic Cars, Muscle Cars and ’82 Ford Mustang Convertibles.


5. Cereal- There is a plethora of choices out there, so an experienced shopper knows the finest choices. I feel almost like a connoisseur when it comes to cereal. Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles, Corn Pops, Chex, Honeynut Cheerios, Captain Crunch (with Crunch Berries of course, the plain kind sucks), Booberry, Frankenberry and Count Chocula, Honeycombs, Apple Jacks, Frosted Flakes, and last but not least, Cream of Wheat.


6. Nathan’s Hot Dogs- A choice blend of leftover bovine parts, but seasoned to perfection. The only way to cook these is by boiling them in water; leave the grill for the Ballpark Franks please.


7. Pop-Tarts- any frosted kind, ANY…. J


8. The Hobbit, The Lord Of The Rings Trilogy, and the Silmarilian- These are my favorite books ever. Amazing stuff. If Tolkien were alive today, I would stalk the shit out of him.


9. Music- Mostly punk, hardcore and metal, I’ll listen to anything if it’s good. Good meaning NOT fake “emo” songs about how rough some kid has it in his $200,000 house in the suburbs. Gimme a fucking break. Quit bitching, do some drugs, and shove the “angst” up your ass. I’m sure mommy and daddy pay for everything you have, so suck it up. How people buy into this shit is beyond me. For God’s sake, everyone has had some heartbreak or girl/guy problems in their life. Get over it or kill yourself. Or kill yourself while listening to Kill ‘Em All and die with some dignity. And grindcore will never be cool, it’s a shame how bad those bands wish they could play some good metal. Some of my favorites are Lucky Star, Snoot Snout, The Police, The Foo Fighters, The Frogs, Metallica, Van Halen, Guns And Roses, Patsy Cline, Billy Idol, Billy Joel, Bad Religion, H2O, Green Day, Kid Dynamite, Lifetime, Pearl Jam, Tool, Pantera, The Bosstones (I can hear the snickering now, but fuck off, I LOVE those guys) Face to Face, AFI, Shai Hulud, Sepultura, The Bouncing Souls, Rancid, NOFX, and of course, Slayer


10. Hockey- The New Jersey Devils. Oh boy, I could go on for hours. I love this team, and if you don’t then fuck you.

That’s all for now, but if I think of anything else, I may rant about it later, and besides, the chances of anyone actually reading this article are probably about as good as Timmy’s penis becoming straight. J Keep it real. Walnut 666.

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