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Date Posted: 21:49:21 09/26/02 Thu
Author: 君臨
Subject: Re: 這裡氣象不錯
In reply to: 老陳 's message, "這裡氣象不錯" on 21:33:48 09/26/02 Thu

老陳:
不管你是誰,但很欣賞你的評論,
這裡的氣象,有你一份功勞.


>老陳今日有閒經過,這裡氣象不錯,只嫌應酬太多詩太少,大?>a努力啊。
>老陳終日流連大街小巷,比道地綠茶道地,真名假名不足介懷?>C
>老陳的回應有時逐字逐句,只是個人感想,同不同意沒打緊,?>竅偽Q論,不是專家。
>
>
>>《猜一下宇宙的劇情》
>>
>>某一天
>>夜色彎過太陽的監視
>>網黑世人的目光
>>這掩護下不知誰人
>>成功綁架了全人類的夢想
>>偷葬在一百萬光年以外的星球
>>地球上的一切也不足以贖救
>>人類只有變賣銀河系
>>億萬代子子孫孫遺傳了贖夢的信仰
>
>(@@: 變賣銀河系,有新意。這詩的取材不錯。)
>>
>>多少年後尋回的夢想
>>它已老掉了牙
>>與這一代人格格不入
>>誰知一個新世紀
>>卻在不知不覺間統治了我們
>
>(@@:
>反而這五句有點老掉牙的感覺,詩太著意於說理,反而不美。)
>>
>>(寫於2002年)
>>
>>《變臉》
>>
>>先鋒們搖旗吶喊 (@@:
>第一句讀落好隔,乾脆用士兵豈不更好?)
>>在保守與激進的沙場 (@@:
>第二句太白,講到明係保守與激進之戰,太早點破,所有之前?>峈熒N象比喻都化為烏有。其後的也就無興趣看了。)
>>混戰
>>百年基業總是易守難攻的
>>但新銳的武器卻又驚心動魄
>>老百姓依然是
>>戰爭以外的陪葬品
>>或者實驗品
>>歲月漫長得令人狠狠地杯葛耐性
>>他們摧毀過多少風物
>>又建設過多少風物
>>擋不住各種形式的廝殺冒起
>>包括名正言順的掠奪境界
>>
>>(寫於2002年)
>>
>>《罪人的血》
>>
>>情人她用貞操
>>釘入我的胸膛
>>一滴血染紅
>>初戀
>>這是她的記號
>>十年之後
>>不見了疤痕
>>第二個情人用青春
>>再次剖入我
>>血湧出後
>>不停地奔逃
>>我驚見
>>十年前那滴血原來早已經爬滿
>>全身
>
>(@@:
>最喜歡這首的開頭五句,後面的布局太著意於「循環」,技法?>W沒有驚喜。)

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