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Date Posted: 07:28:41 09/27/02 Fri
Author: 路人一個
Subject: 復古詩寫法, 欠缺用字新意和深度
In reply to: 老陳 's message, "半文言的新詩?" on 03:01:06 09/27/02 Fri

>>《來兮歸去》
>>
>>
>>是誰停止了哭泣
>>淚流到另一生命裡
>>樹長了葉
>>蔭不住時間的孤單 (@@:
>把一個蔭字用作動詞,初讀有點怪,那是陶淵明年代的用法了)
>>昨日 如今日的明日 (@@: 這句十分有趣,可堪玩味。)
>>逝將去汝 (@@:
>這句太文,若換一個現代語的警句,更相得益彰吧。)
>>依依不捨
>>等待
>>在凝固的空氣中
>>乘風歸去 (@@:
>這裡有欠情理,凝固的空氣中豈容有風?不如乘蕭索歸去之類更
>好吧。)
>
>@@:把文言用字放於現代詩,雖收精簡之妙,有時更堪玩味,語
>感卻頗怪,不知各位有何意見?
>>
>>
>>(寫於九月廿七日)

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