When I was in primary school I fell in love with someone called Skye.
But then when it came too high school, he got sent to a private all boy's school far away and I got sent to the local comprehensive.
I thought I'd NEVER see him EVER again and despaired.
Around about the same time my Grandmother of whom I was VERY close to died. She practically raised me.My mother never seemed to bother with me. However I never noticed this neglect (by my mother)until my Grandma died.
I noticed that I was very unsupported by my mother and in general uncared for. Sometimes she was also emotionally abusive towards me--sometimes she could be so nasty she'd make me cry.
Because of all these things(the death of my Grandma, the loss of Skye and also the uncaring attituse at home) I began to feel very depressed.
Then I made a TERRIBLE mistake:
Somedays I felt so low I found it almost impossible to think about the future and sometimes couldn't find the will-power to get up in the mornings.I started to refuse to go to school asn I felt so low and i couldn't bring myself to/didn't know how to move on from Skye...and my Grandma....didn't want a life..if it was going to be without them...didn't see the point. I missed Skye so so much and could not come to terms with the fact that one of the people of whom I loved more than anyone in the world...had vanished from my life FOREVER! It was like a nightmare! I couldn't believe that I'd probably never see him ever again/be with him.
I'd been bullied VERY VERY badly at the primary school i went to (before I moved to the one Skye was at)which also made me quite nervous of people and scared of school too.However I recieved no help, no counselling or anything(do you think this was neglect?)
I refused to go to High school on-and-off for the first three years by which time I was REALLY REALLY very behind in my work.I then refused to go to school altoghether as I couldn't cope any more with my life. I was SEVERELY depressed and wasn't thinking logically. I ended up having 5 measly hours of home tuition per week, for the next two years which should have been spent in school. Unsurprisingly I then failed all my GCSEs (apart from one, where I got a 'C' in English)I felt so depressed. I then have stupidly stayed at home doing nothing for the past two years as I have felt too embarrassed to face the world and I have also been struggling with SEVERE depression.........I am now 18. :(
However this is now my problem(of which i need your advice on) :
I am 18 years old and I have realised that I realy HAVE to do someting about my life. i.e. go to college
my problem is I still REALLY really love Skye
the thing is I did have brief contact with him a few years ago and recieved comformation that BACK THEN he liked me.But he didn't know about me missing school back then. you see I sent him a valentine's card saying 'I think you're the most lovely person in the universe and always will no matter what!
I now want??/need to go to college. However I have just found out thet the college I wanted to attend is right next door to the top educational sixth form which Skye goes to. If I go there then I will definantely bump into him…but the thing is he will NEVER EVER be interested in me now (even if he used to be when I was ok).how on earth canI explain to him WHY I refused to go to school? He’s going to think I am a bad person .
But the thing is he's studyiwng 'A' levels at a top sixth form college. And I .....will probably have to go on an Entry level course and learn really basic stuff like how to cook, use public transport etc(basically for absolute dim-wits)
He'll NEVER EVER be interested in me now. He's in a different league to me. He's so clever.but this is killing me. I wish I could be with him more than anything in the world but as soon as he finds out that's it....my dream...dead......finished
Also even if I go to a different college, it's inevitable that i'll bump into him whilst out and about anyway.(I just can’t believe that I DIDN’T THINK ABOUT THIS years ago….i just wasn’t thinking properly) But If I ignore him then he'll think I'm not interested i him, when I am. But if I talk to him he'll not like me anyway when he finds out what I've done. He'll think I;m a terrible person.
The thing is (and I really need your help on this) HOW ON EARTH DO I EXPLAIN TO HIM ABOUT HOW I REFUSED TO GO TO SCHOOL--AND WORST OF ALL WHY? HE'LL NOT THINK VERY WELL OF ME ONCE I'VE TOLD HIM. I'M not going to lie. I need him to know the truth.my other problem is that when I refused to go to school--s did my sister(only she didn't have a valid reason) she simply wouldn't go just because I was off school and didn't see why she should go either.HOW ON EARTG CAN I EXPLAIN TO HIM HOW MY SISTER IS NOW IN THE SAME SITUATION I'M IN?HE'LL THINK MY FAMILY ARE AWFUL. I AM 18 YEARS old now btw...and am getting severely worried about my future.
What should I do about Skye now? Which college should I go to (the one next door to Sye........or a diffferent one? How can i hold on to him, be around him, stand a chance with him etc? PLEASE HELP.....i love him and couldn't bear to lose him. I just don't know what I'm going to do!!!! What should I do about Skye?
If I do nothing …and just let Skye go……then do you think that we’ll ever meet again again some day in the distant future…..and get together? I mean what are the chances of that happening? Probably not very high. Do people come back from University?
