Subject:  Re: "Promises" (Fan Fic) |
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xfilefan
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Date Posted: 20:20:42 01/07/03 Tue
In reply to:
Jess
's message, ""Promises" (Fan Fic)" on 19:12:24 01/07/03 Tue
>_______________________________________________________
>__
>
>Author's Note: I wrote this last night under the
>influence of sleep deprivation, the craving to write,
>and immense anger toward the writer's of 24Seven.
>Forgive me is this scars you mentally and you lose all
>faith in literature.
>_______________________________________________________
>__
>Jax paced back and forth under Beans’ bedroom attic
>for a long time, biting her fingernails and debating
>the decision before her. She had two choices and at
>the moment neither one sounded inviting. She could go
>to Beans and ask him straight out what happened and
>just conveniently leave out that she already knew.
>But if she did that and Beans found out she knew, the
>effects would be disastrous. And if she told him that
>she knew, well, the effects would be just about the
>same. She just wasn’t sure which would produce a more
>positive outcome in the end.
>
>After nearly fifteen more minutes of solid, nervous
>pacing and the wearing down of most of her nails, Jax
>finally reached a decision. No matter how badly Beans
>was bound to react, honesty was the best policy. That
>was something she learned the first half of term and
>had tried to stick to ever since.
>
>So she gathered her courage, reminding herself that
>she was a headstrong and independent girl, and boldly
>climbed the latter to the attic. Looking around, she
>saw him lying silently on his bed, staring at the
>ceiling. She didn’t take this as a good sign, but
>knew she had to go through with her plan. “Beans?”
>
>Normally, when caught being ‘thoughtful,’ Beans would
>have sat up quickly and feigned just waking from a
>nap. When he only tilted his head to the side enough
>to be certain it was her, Jax’s heart sank further.
>“Hi,” he murmured.
>
>“Hi,” she sat nervously beside him. “Want to talk?”
>
>Beans shook his head solemnly. “No.”
>
>“I think you need to. We both do, actually.”
>
>He sighed loudly but sat up. “Fine then.”
>
>“Ok,” she took a deep breath. “So…Beatrice says you
>ended it with her.”
>
>He glanced up at her, looking a bit angry. “You went
>and talked to Beatrice about me? You couldn’t respect
>that I didn’t want to explain what happened to you?”
>
>Jax bowed her head. “It’s much more complicated than
>that.”
>
>“How?” His voice was uneasy and low.
>
>“You see…well…I…it’s like this, Beans…Beatrice…”
>
>”Out with it, Jax!”
>
>“Ialreadyknew,” she mumbled really quickly.
>
>“What?” Beans asked loudly, only catching pieces of
>what she had said. Jax bit her lip and shook her
>head. “Jax!”
>
>“…After you and I got into that row, I went out to
>talk to Beatrice and she told me about…him.”
>
>“You knew?” he stood up quickly, shouting now.
>
>“Y-yes…”
>
>“You knew and you didn’t tell me? You just let me
>find out the way I did!”
>
>“I couldn’t tell you, Beans! She made me promise! I
>never break promises! And she told me she was going
>to tell you, but she didn’t know how. She was
>confused, Beans and you and I had fought. By the time
>we made up, it was pretty much too later and…wait…how
>did you find out?”
>
>“I saw her hugging and kissing him. How do you like
>that?” he spat angrily.
>
>“Don’t say that, Beans! You know I don’t like seeing
>you hurt!”
>
>“How am I supposed to be sure of that? You hurt me
>when you came here; you acted completely ungrateful
>after mid-term, and now this?”
>
>“I apologized for all of that before! And, I’m sorry
>now, too! Really sorry. I don’t know why I didn’t
>tell you…I guess keeping a promise to her was better
>than taking the chance that you wouldn’t believe me,
>that you would think I was just trying to come between
>the two of you.”
>
>“Why would I jump to conclusions like that?”
>
>“Because you just would! You wouldn’t mean to, but
>you would!” she was shouting now too. “But, if I had
>thought that it would lead to this…I’m sorry, Beans!
>I didn’t mean to hurt you! I was trying to be a good
>friend to her…it was important for me to be in her
>good graces!”
>
>“Why, Jax? You’re supposed to be my best friend, my
>soul mate, not hers!”
>
>“Why don’t you listen to your own words, Beans?
>You’re supposed to be MY best friend and MY soul mate,
>not her boyfriend! And when you started spending time
>with her, the only way for me to not be left behind
>was to put up with her, to make her like me! Don’t
>you know that I would only do that for you? God, you
>don’t even know how much I lo-“
>
>“What else is there, Jax?”
>
>“W-what?”
>
>“What else is there? What else have you kept from me?”
>
>“Nothing! That’s all Beatrice told me.”
>
>“What about with everyone else? What else has
>happened this year that you’ve kept to yourself? Is
>there anything else I might need to know?”
>
>“Well…there’s this one thing, but…I…I…don’t know.”
>
>“How can you not know?”
>
>“Because I don’t understand you anymore! I don’t know
>what to say anymore!”
>
>“Just tell me, Jax!”
>
>“I don’t want to!”
>
>“What could you be afraid of? Nothing could be worse
>than keeping Beatrice’s lovely secret from me?”
>
>“But, I-”
>
>“Jax,” Beans said through clenched teeth.
>
>“Chris and I kissed!” she shouted so quickly that
>Beans barely caught what she said.
>
>“You WHAT?” his voice rose, much to her surprise, and
>she flinched.
>
>“We kissed…”
>
>“When?” he asked, shocked.
>
>“Just after the art competition.”
>
>“That was when you asked if I thought you were
>girlfriend material. You asked me that because you
>have a thing for Chris?” Confusion swept over her. He
>sounded hurt.
>
>“It wasn’t like that. I never ‘had a thing’ for
>Chris.”
>
>“Then why on earth would you kiss him?”
>
>“Because I wanted to understand why everyone felt
>compelled to go off and find themselves a date! I
>wanted to know why, in the middle of all of this, I
>wasn’t a potential choice for anyone. The day after
>it happened, Chris confessed he thought it was a
>mistake, which only confirmed what I thought before.”
>Obvious hurt registered in her eyes. “But you made me
>feel, better, Beans. And that’s when I understood
>that we’re different! There are so few people like us
>that finding someone in this world will be near
>impossible! And that’s why it broke my heart to see
>you with Beatrice! She isn’t like us, Beans! No
>matter what feminist beliefs she shares with me or
>musical inclinations she shares with you, she can
>never be one of us, or part of us, but you wanted her
>to be! And that killed me, okay?”
>
>The entire time she had been shouting, he had been
>staring at her, slightly open mouthed. When she
>finally quieted, he slowly closed his mouth. Her eyes
>grew wide and she fought hard to hide the tiny tremble
>in her lower lip. “Jax?” there was a slight stutter
>in his voice. “Wow. I…” Jax stared at the ground,
>rocking slowly back and forth on her heel. “Jax?
>Earlier…before I asked what else was a secret…when you
>were saying that you put yourself out there and became
>her friend for me. What were you saying when I
>interrupted you?”
>
>Jax’s head shot up quickly. She stared at him for a
>second, shook her head, and promptly sank to floor in
>shock. She pulled her knees up to her chin. “I…can’t
>say.”
>
>Beans’ mind was reeling. Sometime along that week
>long break at mid-term, a feeling and an image began
>playing in the back of is head. Or was it the back of
>his heart? It had grown stronger as time went on.
>And as he fought it, forcing himself to believe that
>he had to prove to the world-to Jax-that he could get
>a decent girlfriend, it grew louder. Even as he held
>Beatrice and played music with her, it began to scream
>and truly get to him.
>
>But, now? There was a sort of soft, awkward pain
>growing in his heart. He knew that this night he had
>come to something, a sort of discovery, but until this
>discovery was resolved, he couldn’t truly have the
>inner peace he desired. Only then did he realize that
>Jax hadn’t been the only one bearing secrets these
>last couple of months. He had been keeping one from
>himself, which was perhaps the greatest treason of
>all. At that moment, the one thing he desired more
>than his heart to rest was for Jax to proclaim that,
>because they were so special, their young age meant
>nothing about what their hearts could do and feel and
>that she needed and loved him.
>
>He needed to tell her that he felt that in his heart.
>He wanted her to know that he had come to a second
>realization-that his brief romance with Beatrice was
>him reaching out for someone new, someone to make him
>feel attractive and special, when all he had to do was
>see who was right beside him all along. He wanted her
>to see that the hurt he felt over Beatrice was
>probably the same pain she felt when Chris rejected
>her.
>
>Kneeling next to her, he tugged her hair behind her
>ear and lifted her chin. “Jax, talk to me, please.”
>She bowed her head again. If his hand hadn’t been
>resting on her shoulder, he probably have wouldn’t
>noticed the silent sob that hit her body.
>“Jacqueline? I’m sorry. I wish I hadn’t yelled.
>Please?” She slowly lifted her head. The two only
>called each other by their birth name’s under special
>circumstances. And he had spoken it so
>affectionately that she couldn’t resist. “Tell me?”
>he pleaded.
>
>She opened her mouth to speak, then closed it, unable
>to force the words out. She was afraid. For the
>first time in her life, Jax was utterly terrified. “I
>can’t,” she managed to choke out.
>
>“Please try?” She shook her head. Beans sighed, but
>not in defeat or disappointment. “Okay. Tell me,
>then, Jacqueline. Were you saying that you loved me?”
> There was a still, awkward silence where neither
>dared to breathe or move. Then she nodded and stared
>directly at the ground, not moving. “And,” he
>continued anxiously, sitting down as one of his hands
>grasped her hand. The other still rested on her
>shoulder. “By ‘love’ did you mean as a best friend or
>perhaps and relative?’ She slowly, cautiously shook
>her head ‘no.’ “Then, by ‘love’ did you mean…more
>along the lines of…’in love’?” Another still silence
>fell. Many seconds passed before he spoke again.
>“Jax, please. Answer. Do you love me like that? Are
>you…in love with me?”
>
>She sighed softly and lifted her head. He expected a
>nod or head shake, some sort of silent gesture, but he
>didn’t expect her to speak, in a trembling, wary
>voice. “Yes,” she sniffed and blinked to hold back
>tears. “Very much so, Heinz. I hadn’t realized it
>until it after the incident with Chris and by the time
>I stopped being too stubborn to deny it, it was too
>late.”
>
>“It’s never too late, Jax.” He shifted positions so
>that his arm was securely around her and he could
>still hold tight to her hand. “I love you too,
>Jacqueline. I think we’re both just so outright daft
>and stubborn for our own good sometimes.”
>
>She blinked again and a tear swiftly escaped, sliding
>rapidly down her cheek as she smiled a tiny, slightly
>insecure smile. “You’re probably right.” With her
>free hand, she reached up and stoked his cheek. Their
>eyes closed simultaneously and without another
>moment’s hesitation, they brought their mouths
>together in a soft kiss that soon grew in passion and
>content, as they moved their bodies closer together.
>Even after they parted, Beans’ eyes remained closed.
>He savored his first kiss with his first love and his
>first true girlfriend.
>
>She grinned slyly. “You know, we’ve just broken our
>promise to remain only mates.”
>
>“Some promises are worth breaking. For us, that one
>was. But there’ll be more that will be kept. I
>promise.”
>
>
>_______________________________________________________
>_
>
>P.S. R.I.P. Haldir! :(
>_______________________________________________________
>_
I love it!! This is exactly what should have happened!! Are you going to write more? I hope you do....
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