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Date Posted: 10:50:39 03/11/03 Tue
Author: Brian Thorn
Subject: Good Deeds

[A long black limousine pulls up in front of a nursing home. The chauffer steps out of the car first, and opens the door for a security officer. Thorn exits shortly thereafter, and once he scans the scene for himself, he allows Andrea to exit the limo. They turn and face the nursing home as two security officers exit the limousine and head into the building. Andrea isn't quite as nerve wracked as she's been, punching that bag to relieve the anger was quite a help.]

THORN: So, tell me this again, why did I let you drag me here?

ANDREA: It's called doing something positive for the community. Basically we'll just go in and spend some time with some of the residents of this home.

THORN: Old people...

ANDREA: ... yes. The point isn't that they're old, it's that they're lonely. Sometimes their own kids don't even come to see them.

THORN: Probably because they're old.

ANDREA: Brian, I'm serious about this. This is a very good thing to do for these people. I used to come here twice a week, more if I found the time. I even get a kick out of how someone like me can make some of these people just so happy.

THORN: Some of these old people.

[Andrea shoots Thorn a look, but Thorn really doesn't care. One of the security guards comes back out from the building and waves Thorn to come over, and he and Andrea make their way into the building. Once inside Andrea smiles, and Thorn grimaces.]

THORN: This place smells like mothballs.

[Andrea promptly elbows Thorn in the ribs, but he just rubs it off. They continue walking and eventually come up to a desk. The lady behind the desk smiles when she sees the two of them, recognizing Andrea and hoping that the handsome gentleman following her is just as nice.]

ANDREA: Hey Mona.

MONA: Andrea, welcome back. We've missed you.

ANDREA: Well, I've been really busy, but I couldn't wait to come back.

MONA: [checking out Thorn] And who's this fine young man you brought with you?

ANDREA: My boyfriend, Brian.

MONA: Oh, yes, I remember you talking all about him. Well, anyway, I'm sure you're eager to visit the folks.

THORN: [under a cough] Old people! Oh, ah... excuse me that cough came out of nowhere.

[The two of them sign a visitors sheet and Andrea leads Thorn just down another hallway.]

THORN: You tell people about me?

ANDREA: We've been seeing each other for a while, of course I do.

THORN: Hmm... what do you say?

ANDREA: I'll boost your ego later, Brian, but now we've got stuff to do.

THORN: Yeah, like babysit old people. Hey, wait... what ave you told the old people about me? Andrea?

[She's already through a door that leads into the main area of the home. It's filled with old people. Old people with walkers, with canes. A few can walk just fine, but most need help. They're all wearing old people clothes, and old people styles of hair (mostly bald or thinning). They smile at Andrea and Thorn with their old people faces and their old people smiles. Thorn seems very uncomfortable in his surroundings.]

ANDREA: [quietly] What's wrong?

THORN: [quietly] This reminds me of when I was a boy scout.

ANDREA: You were a boy scout?

THORN: Yeah, wasn't everybody? I was the first to get all of my patches, but that's another story.

ANDREA: I'd like to hear it some--

THORN: Shhh, let the memory clip play.

[The scene psychadelically fades out, and then back in on a young boy dressed as a boy scout on a fine sunny day. He looks a bit like Thorn, only much younger, and he's currently sitting in a chair at a cross walk. An older woman with a walker makes her way towards the crosswalk.]

OLD WOMAN: Would you mind helping me across the street, young man?

BRIAN: Actually, yes. My instructor said that all I had to do was sit here, they're not even watching me. I'm gonna get this patch for free.

OLD WOMAN: Oh, but these city streets are so dangerous, and I'm not as brisk a walker as I used to be.

BRIAN: Snuff off, I could care less.

OLD WOMAN: Now that's not a very nice thing to say to your elders.

BRIAN: Fine you old fart, quit nagging and I'll help you across the street.

[Thorn presses a button for the crosswalk and eventually the cars stop. With a very agitated look on his face, the young Brian Thorn walks the old lady just a few steps out. He then looks back as a gorgeous woman walks towards his seat. Now, being the young charmer that he is, he couldn't just stand there as she could be a tourist and need help around the city. He promptly walks over to her.]

BRIAN: Hey baby.

WOMAN: Excuse me?

BRIAN: Excuse me for not being here to greet you sooner. My name's Brian and I'm helping people across the street today, but for you I could do much more.

WOMAN: [almost laughing] You're a little young, kid.

BRIAN: The younger one is the more energy they have. Besides, I could just show you around town.

WOMAN: Look, Brian is it? I know my way around this town, I've lived here most of my life. If you want to live as long as I have, you better just get back over to your seat.

BRIAN: Okay, okay. Just trying to be nice, just trying to be friendly. [starts crying] I'm just trying to do good things and earn my patches.

[Now, most people can see that he's completely faking this whole crying bit, but the woman he's talking to doesn't know what to do. I mean she made the kid cry, that's pretty bad... people are starting to look. So, she does what most caring women in her predicament who feel at all safe would do, she bends over and hugs him, trying to make him start crying. Brian keeps the sounds of crying going, but his face lights up as his head is pressed to her large, firm breasts. After too long the resistance is too great. He reaches out with each hand and grabs her ass. He holds on tight, 'cause this could be a hell of a ride.]

WOMAN: You little bastard!

[She shoves him back and down, and then attempts to wipe the smile off of his face by smacking him across it. He holds his face as she walks off, checking her out all the way. He stands back up and walks over to his chair, rubbing his cheek.]

BRIAN: Well, well worth it.

[Just then the sound of a Mack truck passing by is heard, and a walker crashes down next to Brian. He looks at it for a few seconds, and then picks it up and throws it in a dumpster. He sits back in his chair, and the scene psychadelically fades back to the present. Thorn is grinning right now about as much as his younger self was.]

THORN: Ahh, the good old days.

[Andrea shrugs and walks over to a few of the older people, looking at Thorn while she speaks.]

ANDREA: Pretend it's a party and mingle.

[Thorn doesn't believe that he could ever think that this place is a party. Old men, old ladys, old type music... this is just crap... and it's old. He really doesn't want to be here, but he sees one older man hitting on an older woman. She lets him down, and the guy scans the room for a new target, seeing Andrea. Thorn is disgusted by this, but at least the guys still trying at his age. As the old guy walks up to Andrea, Thorn cuts him off.]

THORN: Where you going?

OLD MAN: Is that fine young lady yours?

THORN: You could say that.

OLD MAN: Oh, damn... Can I borrow her for a minute?

THORN: That's disgusting, old man.

OLD MAN: The name's Stan, what's yours?

THORN: I am Brian Thorn, the Ultimate Model of Perfection in a Mortal Man. And, in a very short amount of time, I will be the next UWS Unified Champion. Once I beat Gabriel Blade, all will be mine. Heh.

STAN: Calm down, son, I just wanted your name. So, you a prize fighter?

THORN: Not recently, I'm a wrestler.

STAN: Ahh, I get it now. Let's have a seat, I'll tell you some stories.

THORN: Uhm, I guess.

[The two of them walk over to a set of chairs and sit down.]

STAN: You've got the fighter look to ya, so that's why I asked. Back when I was your age I fought men twice my size for pittling money. But I was good, and it got me in tight with the ladies. You ever prize fight?

THORN: I plead the fifth.

STAN: Heh, heh. You're a funny one. You should come around here more often, I'm sure the two of us could trade some stories. There was one time I was in the ring with a man nearly twice my size. Nobody expected me to bite his nose off.

THORN: You bit his nose off?

STAN: Hell yes. It freed up his torso for some body shots, and then for the rest of the fight he was nearly blind and choking on his own blood. I think he only hit me three times. They stung like hell, lemme tell you.

THORN: That's nothing. There was this one time when I was still starting out that I fought a huge, huge man that called himself Venom. This guy was a vicious wrecking machine, and I took him on in the junkyard.

STAN: Ooh, bad place, lots of weapons.

THORN: Yeah. He chokeslammed me on top of the windshield, but I retaliated by beating his head in with the door. Opening and closing it, slamming it over and over. Until finally I was able to kick his head through the glass, and he was done.

STAN: Sounds like a vicious fight.

THORN: It definitely was.

STAN: Oop...

THORN: What?

STAN: [kinda smirking] Heh, looks like old man Forester crapped himself again. He always gets that stupid look on his face.

THORN: That's gross.

STAN: Someone oughta clean that up before this whole place smells like dung.

THORN: Nuh uh, no, I am not going to clean up the shit of an old person.

[One of the old people points to Forester and shouts out that he poopied again, and with a slightly begrudging smile Andrea is on her way to help out. Seeing this, Thorn jumps right in front of her.]

THORN: Please tell me that you weren't about to do what I thought you were going to do.

ANDREA: Somebody has to do it, this is all part of volunteer work.

THORN: Uh uh, no... you are not cleaning up the shit of an old man. That is wrong.

ANDREA: Well if someone doesn't do it than this whole place is going to smell.

THORN: I am not going to let my member get touched by hands that have been rifling through shit of any kind.

[Some of the older women get excited when they hear that, looking over Thorn's way. He closes his eyes and tries to block the images out of his head, and then opens his eyes back onto Andreas.]

THORN: Look, let a nurse deal with Forester, okay?

ANDREA: Why do I bring you anywhere?

THORN: [Mockingly] Why do I bring you anywhere?

[Seeing that Andrea is a bit mad, Thorn quickly puts his hand up to his ear with the earpiece in it. He scrunches his face a bit, making this whole thing seem real. He snaps his fingers and Andrea looks back at him, seeing the concern on his face.]

ANDREA: It's him, isn't it?

THORN: Could be. Look, now would be a good time for us to leave.

[Andrea agrees and the two of them leave the room. Meanwhile a nurse walks over to Forester, and Stan leaves the room, chasing down another old lady.]

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