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Date Posted: 17:38:26 12/28/03 Sun
Author: J.T. Magnus
Subject: Chapter 52: "Reflections"

Cloud-Attack. Braver. Cross-slash. Climbhazzard. Omnislash. Squall-Attack. Zidane-Attack. Tidus-Attack. Auron-Attack. Sephiroth-Attack. Seifer-attack. Fire Cross. Repeat. Again. Again. Freestyle. Again. Pattern. Again. I've run myself through these sword drill once a week minimum ever since the day I lost my temper at the toaster. I was working on a custom and it worked fine for a few minutes, then overheated and melted it. In a rage I took it outside and slammed it against a tree until it was in no fewer than eight seperate pieces. Of my own free will I spent my own money to replace it, but that incident remains in my mind as one of the best examples of myself unleashed, so I train and focus to keep it from happening again. I have my fears and that's one thing. I have my worries, and that's a different, worse thing. And this is probably my biggest worry: If I lose control again, will I hurt someone I care about?

**==

Connect this piece to that one, solder. Place cover, screw, tighten. Cut next piece from stock, plug in to slot, lock. Yeah, I'm working. J.T. and Hav' may be the brains, but I can hold my own. I have to, I still remember what happened the last time I let someone get too close...

Truthfully? I grew afraid. Siren... no, Mei was and probably is a nice girl, and 'nice' is something I'll never be. I grew up the son of an elite soldier and a government scientist, spent my life (yes, as did my brothers) shifting between Dalton, GA, USA and Denny, Ireland, UK, summers at the Slaughterhouse... My first job wasn't a paper boy, or a fast food worker, myself and seven others' first job was as a task force to monitor and at times restrict the growth of the Dreadnoks. Missed too many dates, stood her up once too many, and I deserved what I got: A right hook. It's beginning to come together... I could ask Jessica or J.T. for help, but I won't...

**==

It even smells like him... God, I must sound like a lovestruck schoolgirl... The closest thing I'd ever had to boyfriend before him was my uncle's second-in-command, a former friend of J.T.'s and traitor from his 'gang'/unit, and it was closer to a crush. Daniel and J.T. are similar in attitudes, both are grouchy, pig-headed, always have to be right, and narrow-minded when in command. But the difference are what makes J.T. so attractive. Daniel always seemed to have a stick up his ass, not to mention his inexplicable attraction to that cousin of mine, Zanya. J.T.... he gets so relaxed at times it's easy to forget that he's not had the best life. J.T. brings that same everything goes attitude of his to our love life... Kisses each morning, 'I love you's at night, I've been listening to the country music stations too much..., last night he even took money out of his own pocket to take me to the movies. Oh sure, at times he acts like he's still a kid, but that's part of his charm. In a way it helps me see what Marissa's mom saw in her father.

**==

I stepped into the house and leaned my katana against the wall at the same time the radio started playing a Toby Keith song that made me think of the redhead laying on the couch with her back to me....

"~~She ain't shy
She's outspoken boy
She always speaks her mind
Except those quiet little moments
When I am all she needs
And I hold her tenderly
She only gets that way with me

She don't cry
Some how she seems to keep it all inside
Until those magic little moments
When I am all she needs
And the love is good you see
She only gets that way to me

And she gets sad sometimes
She'll never show it
You might make her mad
But you'll never know it
She don't wear her heart out on her sleeve
She only gets that way with me

And she ain't weak
My baby's just as strong as she can be
Until those nights she comes and tells me
That the want to in my eyes
Gives her butterflies
She only gets that way with me
She only gets that way with me
She only gets that way with me
Thank God she only gets that way with me.~~"

As the song played, I quietly walked over to her, not wanting to wake her. When I reached the couch I knelt beside it and brushed my hand through her hair and down the back of her neck. For a moment I wanted to whisper something, anything, but nothing came to mind that could fully express how I felt towards her... So I said nothing and I let her lie.

"Hey, bro..."

I turned to glare at the head sticking out of the workshop door, "Speak quieter, or not at all."

"Okay, okay... Come here a minute, J.T., I think I got it working..."

"Hot damn..." I smirked....

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