VoyForums
[ Show ]
Support VoyForums
[ Shrink ]
VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: [1], 2, 3, 4 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 06:01:41 08/18/04 Wed
Author: jaf
Subject: o/t - three jokes

A rabbit was happily hopping through the forest when he came upon a giraffe rolling a joint. Said Rabbit, "Hey, Giraffe. Don't do drugs. Come, run through the forest with me!" The Giraffe looked at Rabbit, looked at the joint, and looked back at Rabbit. He promptly threw the joint on the ground, and they started happily running around forest together.

As the two were happily running through the forest, they came upon an elephant sniffing cocaine. "Hey, Elephant," Rabbit said. "Don't do drugs. Come, run through the forest with us!" Elephant looked at Rabbit and Giraffe, and looked at his razor and mirror. He immediately threw them on the ground, and they all went off through the forest together.

They then came across a lion, who was about to shoot up. Said Rabbit, "Hey, Lion. Don't do drugs. Come, run through the forest with us!" Lion looked at his needle and then looked at Rabbit. Lion threw down the needle and started beating the living crap out of Rabbit. Seriously, it was ugly. Arms and legs were hanging from tree limbs.

Giraffe and Elephant see this and try to intervene, saying, "Lion! Stop it! He was only trying to help you drop your habit. Knock it off!"

"This little f*cker?" said Lion in reply. "This little b*stard makes me run around the forest like a f*cking idiot every time he's on ecstasy!"



George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do.
I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty-handed over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.
"No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.
"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," said George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms folded behind his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinski, doing what she does best.

George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said..........



"OK, Monica, you're free to go!




The day after losing his wife in a yachting accident, a man answered his door to find two grim-faced police officers.
"We're sorry Mr. MacPhearson, but we have information about your wife."
"Tell me! Did you find her?" the man cried.
The policemen looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. MacPhearson said, "Give me the bad news first."
The policeman said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Loch Fyne."
"Oh my god!" said Mr. MacPhearson. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"
The policeman continued. "When we pulled her up she had 2 five-pound king crabs and 6 good-size lobsters hanging onto her."
Stunned, Mr. MacPhearson demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"
The policeman said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]
[ Contact Forum Admin ]

Forum timezone: GMT-8
VF Version: 3.00b, ConfDB:
Before posting please read our privacy policy.
VoyForums(tm) is a Free Service from Voyager Info-Systems.
Copyright © 1998-2019 Voyager Info-Systems. All Rights Reserved.