Re: Violations -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 11:46:39 06/04/04 Fri
Author: AAAGGGSSSSS
Author Host/IP: ACC88677.ipt.aol.com / 172.200.134.119
Subject: Re: Violations
In reply to: Gray Squirrel 's message, "Violations" on 21:53:21 05/27/04 Thu

Hey Squirrel, thank for looking at my poem too guy

#Well what shall we say, well first, and you know I can be kind of a jerk, oh well, well first, it is apparet the poem has several diferent moods coming out within it, right, I mean that's kind of apparent, it is not consolidate to a single mood, but actually I found it interesting toward the end and was actually geting drawn into it.

The thing I didn't like, was in the beginning you seem to begin an enumeration of certain reasons approacehs you have, but then end this enumeration with a lalalla line; this represents an insertion of another emotion, and actually hints that the previous enumeration was not done in fullest thought, or to me the reader, I begin to say, should I even take the previous enumeratins seriously at all, I dont' know if it adds anything to put it right on the money. It seems to underscore in a negative way what you are attemting to say, and strongly suggest that you yourself were experiencing strong moods when you wrote the piece,

However later it turns to be quite lovely, apparently as the writing process itself calms you down. al

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