Re: Consciousness: A Necessary Evil -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:01:24 06/13/04 Sun
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 80.43.156.45
Subject: Re: Consciousness: A Necessary Evil
In reply to: Ashley Owen Smith 's message, "Consciousness: A Necessary Evil" on 11:11:40 03/26/04 Fri

I liked the metaphorical imagery and had hoped it would be extended throughout the poem as that would have worked well. Although I particularly liked the imagery in these lines:

rip out my heart, it is only
a bleeding nest of serpents
and molted skin;

I felt the imagery belonged to two different poems and the last 3 stanzas would be better as part of another poem.

Just my thoughts as I ramble on.

Always a pleasure to read your work.

Raphaela

>My neck
>is a pillar,
>the head a Greek temple,
>topsy-turvy atop it.
>
>High-ceilinged and airy,
>full of artifacts and
>handsom Greek boys,
>dancing, startling black birds
>into flight.
>
>Consciousness comes and goes,
>but so does the sun,
>both necessary evils.
>I will be perfect with poetry
>and with absolute uncertainty.
>
>Split me at the chest,
>as if I were dead, as if
>I were atop the topsy-turvying
>doctor's throne of the dead,
>rip out my heart, it is only
>a bleeding nest of serpents
>and molted skin;
>
>Take the brain as well,
>it is a mound of useless
>flesh, used only to weigh down my skull,
>so that it might not float away,
>like a balloon.
>
>
>
>aos~

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