Re: Streamers -- Unicorn

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: [1], 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 15:20:08 06/20/04 Sun
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: NoHost / 80.45.178.21
Subject: Re: Streamers
In reply to: Rafa�l 's message, "Streamers" on 14:18:03 06/09/04 Wed

Sorry for delay in commenting, been mega busy and just catching up with the board.

An interesting style and structure. The punctuation is used to effect. The repeated use of question marks invites the reader to consider points raised and that is always good if you make people think. The unfinished endline leaves it all hanging in the balance so to speak.

Good to see your work again - as always innovative.

S

>Streamers
>
>
>Do you see anything you like? The flowers I placed
>by a permanent grave, to remind me of your light.
>Are there still any words to share? A thought of
>distain to inflict some more pain, can you tell me
>if that�s right. Was the blood I have spilled in vain?
>A stain on your floor, where I gave you some more
>of my innermost delight. If I find my self respect,
>then pass it to you, would you simply review every
>moment of neglect. Can I help myself regain? The
>hope of each day where this child used to play as
>the sky got filled with rain. Did you too, have one
>favourite toy? And tears your eyes when the wear
>did destroy all the joy it once contained. Can you
>offer me one hand? As I slip into ways� of no hope
>in this haze, till it dulls my fear with lies. Should I
>walk beyond your door? To be far out of sight while
>my life does requite for the love I am denied. If I
>use my words some more, or buy me a whore to
>convince me for sure, that the evening could get
>bright. Does my manner by chance have you lost?
>For something to say, that could help in some way
>do you really give a toss? Have I taken up much of
>your time? with these thoughts that do race, at a pace
>
>in this case, as dictated by their rhyme. Now your
>door once again can be closed, as much will be true
>of each tirade of views, and the feelings they do show.
>I will bid you a hopeless farewell, to play on your�
>mind as a token in kind, where I hope it surely
>dwells�
>
>
>
>
>.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Replies:

Re: Streamers -- Rafa�l, 23:41:08 06/29/04 Tue
- Re: Streamers -- Raphaela, 14:02:18 07/12/04 Mon