Re: Rotten Poetry -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 23:52:36 07/05/03 Sat
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB03a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.165
Subject: Re: Rotten Poetry
In reply to: Gray Squirrel 's message, "Rotten Poetry" on 00:39:34 06/27/03 Fri

I liked this one Squirrel. Many good lines and imagery.

Particularly liked

Irrational love
Poisons the memory
With glowing skies
Of unknown tranquility.

that makes the reader think and

Sees the beauty in things
Never seen again,
Promises friendship,
Sin.

says so much - we certainly see things in a different light then and I like the way 'Promises friendship' leads to the abrupt endline 'Sin'.

You use some interesting similes in these lines - particularly liked the first two by the way ;)

Irrational love
Fucks up passion,
Like a virus,
Like a bag of potatoes
Left sitting in a cupboard...

I liked 'dries all the oceans' but personally I would lose the remaining lines as you have some gems in here that you certainly wouldnt want to think such inspiration 'Rrrrrottennnn poetry'.

Raphaela

>Rotten Poetry
>
>Irrational love
>Barks out orders
>To unseen forces,
>Lonely hearts...
>
>Irrational love
>Steals all the numbers,
>Waiting in line
>At the candy store.
>
>Buys all the candy,
>Gobbles it greedily,
>Throws up and cries.
>
>Irrational love
>Poisons the memory
>With glowing skies
>Of unknown tranquility.
>
>Sees the beauty in things
>Never seen again,
>Promises friendship,
>Sin.
>
>Irrational love
>Fucks up passion,
>Like a virus,
>Like a bag of potatoes
>Left sitting in a cupboard...
>
>All the eyes have grown
>Coils of pale, weak
>Frustration.
>
>Says: don't mention it,
>I'm only weakness,
>Only depression,
>The worst of your notions.
>
>Dries all the oceans.
>
>Blehhh...
>I agree.
>Rrrrrottennnn poetry.
>
>But you know what I mean.
>
>-Gray Squirrel

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