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Date Posted: 01:02:32 08/09/03 Sat
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB03a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.165
Subject: Re: Glaring
In reply to: AAAAGGGSSS 's message, "Glaring" on 20:16:09 07/12/03 Sat

I loved the visual description of this poem as well as its dreamy quality.

Just one point - in this stanza

a rhapsody
of tunes
was alive, ever
gonging

I don't think the word 'gonging' goes - it ruins the otherwise beautiful effect - just my thought Al, as this poem is quite exquisite and I don't think a rhapsody of tunes would gong :)

Raphaela






>You enjoy
>the look of the lake
>in front of you now -
>
>smooth
>without chaos
>in
>equilibrium
>
>a state
>that sees yours
>there too
>
>steam rising
>early
>in the morning
>
>Your eyes identify
>take the plunge
>swim evenly
>
>the middle
>that has no
>bottom
>
>always
>but then you
>knew that
>right ?
>
>Well I saw you there
>in a mist
>so circumspect, and
>still
>
>lost alone and
>thinking
>
>a rhapsody
>of tunes
>was alive, ever
>gonging
>
>their messages
>repeated
>to you
>
>to suggest
>it always better
>in the other places
>and alone
>
>where the mosquitoes
>the largest animals
>even capable
>of attacking
>
>and not the heavey
>glare of the others -
>
>their eyes
>just looking
>just where
>you've been

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