Re: Young April -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:16:40 05/16/03 Fri
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB05a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.167
Subject: Re: Young April
In reply to: Lampost 's message, "Young April" on 02:26:59 05/14/03 Wed

This had some good imagery in it, which evoked the senses, involving the readinger, for example

'Your sandels make a
Musical rhythm,
Up and down the
Metal stairs'

and the following two stanzas worked well for me. However, I found the rest of the poem slightly disjointed and I would have liked to have seen these good ideas developed further. Just my opinion.

Raphaela ;)

>Young April
>
>Blue protective sheen,
>Spaced between west and left,
>Brought down
>Crush!
>By wild black birds.
>
>Your sandels make a
>Musical rhythm,
>Up and down the
>Metal stairs.
>
>I've stared at the
>Scalp beneath your hair,
>And sadly regretted it.
>
>Spread like peanut-butter on
>Dry bread, the scariest thoughts
>Contend with painless, mere...
>Utterance.
>
>Oh, savior sky!
>Bespectacled (then) blind,
>Not sightless, sheesh...
>But incoherent.
>
>One day, you sorta'
>Hugged me like
>Silly putty, hey!
>
>So,
>It's not possible
>To be debonair,
>Or cool, or whatever
>The Brand New Millenium calls
>Brilliant ignorance.
>
>Who'd see it anyway?
>
>I know what too much means.
>Too much means two decades,
>I mean twice your age.
>
>Who'd see it anyway?
>
>The questions, like kites
>In a pariah of ashen
>Blue marble.
>
>Eyes, eyes, eyes, please!
>Look away, walk away, slowly,
>Tick tock.
>
>(Nearly June.)
>
>-Lampost

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