Re: silver coated desire -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 01:55:10 09/07/02 Sat
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB07a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.169
Subject: Re: silver coated desire
In reply to: Avy 's message, "silver coated desire" on 05:01:44 08/24/02 Sat

Well Unicorn is certainly richer for your presence and hoping you will contribute more too.

I found this piece intriguing - you draw the reader in and I couldn't wait to read on to the next part. Much enjoyed and I loved the expression

'I noticed the coldness of today as your breath grasped its soft icy way towards me'

I could visualise the scene and sense the tenseness.

I would like to see you develop this into a short story as I think your style would blend itself really well to prose.

Much enjoyed.

Raphaela

>[looking forward to participating more in this forum]
>Silver Coated Desire and its Rounded Imperfections.
>
>I rode the machine all the way up to my room, where I
>left it there all worn and jarred, climbed out the
>window and gently fell below to my front door, where
>you were waiting for me, landing silently behind you I
>leaned forward and whispered into your unknowing ear
>I
> had
> a
> destiny
> and
> you
> changed
> it
> for
> me.
>
>You turned and I noticed the coldness of today as your
>breath grasped its soft icy way towards me, forming
>your usual reply
>
> Have you ever seen her sitting over there
> on the vinyl red booth sipping cappuccino
>staring.
> at you.
> If you did, did you ever stand and edge yourself
>from
> your own yellow booth and uncomfortably walk
>over.
> to her.
> If you did, did she keep staring at you.
> If she did, did you catch the bottom of your shoe
> on the tile floor.
> If you did, did you cover it with a faster pace,
> with a small smile.
> Did she smile back at you.
> Did your smile grow further.
> Did you stop at her table while her light blue eyes
> stared into you.
> If you did, did you say hello.
> Or did you stand there silent.
> Did she say hello to you.
>
>Once again I leaned forward, then placed a hand on
>either side of your melting body and I brushed my lips
>across your mouth while I began to cry, then I walked
>through your shadow to my front door, walked through
>my front door to my stairs, and rode the machine all
>the way up to my room

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