Re: Infinity -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 13:17:02 08/07/02 Wed
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB10a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.172
Subject: Re: Infinity
In reply to: Megan 's message, "Infinity" on 17:17:48 08/05/02 Mon

Welcome to Unicorn Megan and it is a real pleasure to have you share your talent with us.

I really like this poem and it seems to follow a recent theme in the Unicorn's glade about raindrops and oceans and the cycle of life.

It is very mature writing for one your age but I teach girls of a similar age and have been amazed by some of their talent. Once encouraged they have written some wonderful work - even going on to win national poetry competitions.

In other words - keep on writing - imagine what you will be like if you continue to write such quality.

The only line I would personally change would be

'more massive than ever before'

I know what you mean here but I think it needs rephrasing to keep with the maturity of the rest of the poem.

Well done - look forward to reading more from you - and feel free to comment on the work of others here - we all welcome constructive and supportive feedback.

Raphaela

>Ashen clouds bellow furiously
>raindrops form
>torrents begin.
>
>Forming into spherical shapes
>landing on what lies beneath
>a leaf, perhaps--
>where one droplet stopped briefly
>before falling into a stream nearby.
>
>Acting as one
>no longer a mere droplet
>flowing smoothly down river
>never looking back nor stopping.
>
>Decided direction
>perpetually flowing
>through all obstacles
>without heed.
>
>Ancient water heads for ocean
>rapidly moving nonstop
>until it greets its brothers.
>
>United
>more massive than ever before
>shifting slowly and peacefully.
>
>Short-lived reunion
>as air heats,
>droplets separate
>rising above.
>
>No mercy is given
>as droplets are taken
>one by one.
>
>High above ocean
>single drop once more
>evaporating gradually
>into nothing-
>only to return.

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