Re: Shining Through -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 13:18:26 08/08/02 Thu
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB08a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.170
Subject: Re: Shining Through
In reply to: Megan 's message, "Shining Through" on 11:27:13 08/07/02 Wed

I like the scene you paint here with your descriptive imagery - reminds me of the first poem of mine which was published - that was on a woodland theme with small animals (squirrels) ;)

I agree with Al's comments about the 'between trees' being unnecessary.

Also the line

'returning to where it came;'

- personally I would revise the last 3 words - seem idea but rephrase.

I really like this ending though

'Astonishing
secrets of the forest exposed
through a single ray of
sunshine'

I love walking through forests and can visualise this scene through your poetry. Thank you.

Raphaela

>Sunlight streaming through
>giant redwood trees;
>incandescent, stunning, radiant,
>highlighting splendid beauty hidden
>between trees:
>green fern nestle by,
>extending soft, delicate leaves.
>A tree fallen,
>slowly decaying,
>returning to where it came;
>soft soil comfortable blanket
>on ground.
>Small animals dash across
>forest floor,
>looking for nuts, berries.
>Astonishing
>secrets of the forest exposed
>through a single ray of
>sunshine.

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Replies:

Re: Shining Through -- David Young, 23:14:52 08/08/02 Thu