Re: In A More Realistic Light -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:12:59 08/11/02 Sun
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB11a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.173
Subject: Re: In A More Realistic Light
In reply to: Silvana Krculic 's message, "In A More Realistic Light" on 16:52:21 07/27/02 Sat

The message is clear in this poem although I think some of the lines need a little 'fine tuning' to help the flow.

I particularly liked the lines

'Watching the sun fall out of the sky
was not easy'

for me I would think of the moon - as the symbol of love and sensuality but then that is just me - the sun works well - life without sunshine is barren indeed so a good metaphor to use.

Raphaela

>You lit the candle,
>I only wanted to reason.
>
>Watching the sun fall out of the sky
>was not easy...
>
>You promised you and me,
>but took away you from my yesterdays.
>
>Did you think I can not add or subtract,
>or wait for you to knock at the door three times,
>and then... quietness.
>
>Since you went off into the unknown,
>I have been looking for you everywhere,
>not knowing if I should stay, or peacefully move on.
>
>You let me drink from your poisoned- glass
>and let me dream of you less and less...
>
>I din not abide by the- rule. It is broken by now,
>but as you know I'll shine forever in your heart.

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