Re: Thanking Thee -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 14:46:49 06/25/02 Tue
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheB04a.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.168.166
Subject: Re: Thanking Thee
In reply to: SuSanne 's message, "Thanking Thee" on 01:35:40 06/25/02 Tue

I think this reads rather disjointed and it is not clear what the message is. This mix of modern and archaic (ye) language is also confusing. Personally I would use these ideas, which obviously mean something to you, as a skeleton on which to hang images and create a more measured meter - although that is not always necessary but it would help the fluidity of the piece.

I can see what Al means in his message and his advice is usually very good.

Raphaela

>
>THANking THEE
>
>
>She grew up with brothers
>Interspersed with sisters
>However, the family
>Was a mixed up loving, eclectic bother
>Growing up only, with money and wishes.
>
>Learned to think of men as friends
>Perhaps because a shy, mysterious attractive
>Many, of some men, treat her as just a seductive toy
>Then detest her wrongly, cause of her 'bro' thang
>Making her hurt and rare
>Aged right, Single Selective.
>
>Not saying
>There are not any mistakes!
>The last one.
>Put her life deeply at stake.
>
>And still has her impaled
>Somewhat.
>For despite, she glimmers
>Brown, as a nut.
>
>Although pale
>Alabaster flesh of stone
>Yet still shimmering fire,
>She works the phone.
>
>In only, an info polite way
>So shush those thoughts!
>And thank ye for reading this say.
>Being somewhat rare, as a family .. called Mautz
>
>
>� SuSanne &*_*&
>
>25.6.02~smb.powell
>All rights reserved
>RainbowSam11@hotmail.com
>Dedicated to Hope, Joyce O', AuntieW.
>And somewhat, AAAGGGSSS with a grin >^. .^<
>`JimDaddy' and Others as Bro�s & Sis�s & so forth
>Hehe, if ye don't know why, `WRITE ON' to me!
>Cheshire [sp?] "Alice in Wonderland" but of
>course...meows sp99
>
>

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