Re: Lover I Am Gone -- Unicorn

[ Show ]

Support VoyForums

[ Shrink ]

VoyForums Announcement: Programming and providing support for this service has been a labor of love since 1997. We are one of the few services online who values our users' privacy, and have never sold your information. We have even fought hard to defend your privacy in legal cases; however, we've done it with almost no financial support -- paying out of pocket to continue providing the service. Due to the issues imposed on us by advertisers, we also stopped hosting most ads on the forums many years ago. We hope you appreciate our efforts.

Show your support by donating any amount. (Note: We are still technically a for-profit company, so your contribution is not tax-deductible.) PayPal Acct: Feedback:

Donate to VoyForums (PayPal):

[ Login ] [ Contact Forum Admin ] [ Main index ] [ Post a new message ] [ Search | Check update time | Archives: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, [8], 9, 10 ]

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]

Date Posted: 23:27:10 07/06/02 Sat
Author: Raphaela
Author Host/IP: webcacheM04b.cache.pol.co.uk / 195.92.194.14
Subject: Re: Lover I Am Gone
In reply to: Silvana Krculic 's message, "Lover I Am Gone" on 16:27:49 07/06/02 Sat

You convey emotion well in this poem, very moving. I am sure many readers will relate to the content. I am not sure about the word 'undying' in this line

'the thoughts of you undying'

Sometimes words seem forced when we have to fit to a rhyme scheme but you could always changing to something like 'memories of you sighing' etc. - just imho

I enjoyed this.

Raphaela

>I loved yu once and cherished
>all days, all hours with you.
>I never thought, for a moment,
>my days would turn out blue.
>
>We watched the sun
>in its waking...
>we watched it go down slow,
>I never knew, for a moment...
>that you would let me go.
>
>Your secrets and words spoken,
>your thoughts were not with me,
>so I then decided,
>from you I must be free.
>
>We shared the tender moments
>of love and ecstasy...
>of passion and excitement,
>but it was you that let me be.
>
>The freedom you requested
>so I let you go.
>It was easier forgotten
>than let our love die slow.
>
>But forgotten it was not,
>when nights I would lie down low,
>the thoughts of you undying
>the snow falling down slow.
>
>Awakened by the hour
>by passers down below,
>young lovers, easy strolling
>my heart whispering slow,
>that you must miss me also
>because I can't let go.
>
>Those memories we cherished,
>had faded, but not died.
>Again you called me:"Lover,
>could you just stop by?
>Could you spend your days with me
>be a part of my life?"
>
>I replied:"Your lover will abide,
>to walk side by side with you
>to be part of your life."
>But lover, as I walked the same path,
>as I did a year ago alone,
>my pride stood in the way,
>and now, my lover, I am gone.

[ Next Thread | Previous Thread | Next Message | Previous Message ]