revised, thanks R.!!! -- Unicorn

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Date Posted: 06:57:03 06/18/02 Tue
Author: sp99
Author Host/IP: pool-63.53.97.233.nwrk.grid.net / 63.53.97.233
Subject: revised, thanks R.!!!
In reply to: Raphaela 's message, "Re: Begins To Rise ~ mild adult ~revised, thanks R.!!!" on 15:35:48 06/17/02 Mon

Thanks Raphaela,

Your so right about leaving it for a while and then
seeing it with fresh eyes, I've been going over some
of my other poems a lot recently....so much to do with
so little time...*grin*....my work schedule really cuts
it to my time but what can one do but just doing it?:-p
And I do sincerely thank you for the inspiration to
better myself!!! Susanne

>Well that is what these boards are for - to spark each
>other to new heights and challenge our imagination.
>In the end it is up to the writer whether or not he or
>she wishes to change anything but I am pleased to see
>you open to suggestions and try to improve your craft.
> Whether or not it is the final one is up to you.
>Sometimes I find leaving something for a while then
>reading it with fresh eyes can help tweak it to the
>final draft.
>
>Raphaela
>
>
>
>>mild adult [3rd/final ? draft ]
>>
>>If anyone finds this version the best one,
>>*smile*...well thanks are to Raphaela
>>who gently challenged me,
>>for a slight revise. Personally, I thank her for
>>this...*smiles*.
>>Also, for the comments I have already
>>so graciously received
>>on this poem, I'm humbled and treasure them all
>dearly
>>and please know if one is short of time,
>>please do not feel the need to comment again...the
>>original ones still greatly warm
>>my poetic heart, thanks again!!! *smiles* SuSanne
>>>^. .^< sp99 &*_*&
>>
>>
>>BEGINS TO RISE
>>
>>
>>Realizing without speech
>>Needed being spoken
>>The long awaited shine
>>Of our special first time
>>Was now here, to be gone.
>>
>>For then, midnight of silk
>>Whispered off my shoulders
>>To perch on a rosy hues
>>Causing us both, to smolder.
>>
>>Electric thoughts
>>Spark bodies tension
>>To release our hands
>>Free of pretensions.
>>
>>Our full mouths meet
>>To bud the rose
>>Tasting ever so sweet
>>As love's sword, begins to rise.
>>
>>Slashing all garments free
>>To gather softly in a pile
>>Of sparks as our bodies touch
>>Amidst low laughter and smiles.
>>
>>Before sinking into one,
>>The closest we humans can get
>>While anchored on a bed
>>Soaring to the stars .. as in a set.
>>
>>
>>� SuSanne &*_*&
>>
>>9.6.02~smb.powell
>>3rd draft-16.6.02
>>All rights reserved
>>

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