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Subject: Re: no change

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Date Posted: 11:58:38 11/18/06 Sat
Author Host/IP: cblmdm72-240-172-32.buckeyecom.net/
In reply to: Shannon 's message, "no change" on 22:24:59 04/13/06 Thu

Actually, Shannon, I have changed greatly over the years - certainly a huge amount since I last spoke to you. What hasn't changed is your inisitence that everyone but you is at fault for things. Accept facts, Shannon - I stopped having anything to do with you because you became a raving lunatic when I wasn't willing to be at your beck and call. I put up with that for a while, convinving myself that the occassional good times we shared were worth it, but I realized (far too late) that I'd just been enabling yet another abusive relationship, and the best hope for me was to cut you completely out of my life.

As for my inability to change or my dislike for change, nothing could be further from the truth. I continue to change (for better and for worse) constantly based on life and my surroundings and situation. I may dislike some of the things that I lose to change, but generally I embrace change heartily. I love the newest technologies; I revel in new construction; I find changes in science and archaeological thought fascinating; I embrace changes in seasons; I love my friends even more when they get married because they bring a new friend into my world; I love the change brought about by kids adding into the families I know. All of those things I love and enjoy.

What I don't enjoy is when "friends" turn their back on me in my time of need or when "friends" backstab me, as was the case with you, Shannon, and with some others. No, I was not prepared for that "change" because it was something I never should have faced, never should have expected, and never should have had believed possible had it not actually happened. I have long professed a high ideal of friendship, and I have not only promised to do everything and anything for a friend, but I have done so time and again. When the time came for me to reach out in need to the people I had thought were my friends, they shunned me and told me my problems "were bringing them down", so I should "stay awazy until I starightened things out." That, Shannon, is not what friends do for their friends, and you and others proved yourselves quite clearly when push came to shove.

You loved me when I was there to give you support or gifts or take you places or help you with some labor; you loved me when I made you laughed or gave you a shoulder to cry upon; you loved me when I commisserated with you when you had been wronged; you loved me when I helped you with your problems - but you didn't want anything to do with me when I needed support and love; you wanted nothing to do with my problems or my sadness or my fears. You simply wanted me to vanish until I could come back again as "happy Paul" and do everything for you.

That is not what friends do, Shannon, and you proved clearly that you were no friend to me whatsoever - not just once, not just twice, but time and again as I went through my emotional breakdown and my suffering - time anad again through the more than a year it took me to recover enough to brave the world fully on my own. And now that I can stand alone and tell you I will not give you what you do not remotely deserve, you condemn me as the person who has shunned his friends. Well, Shannon, I'll admit that I have sunned you, but I stopped seeing you as my friend quite a long time ago, about the time I realized that you weren't ever a friend at all, just a leech looking for your own personal gain. I am free of you now, Shannon, and I am far better off. Good riddance.

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