Subject:  SJ: A Confession |
Author:
Eugene
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Date Posted: 23:22:08 01/09/03 Thu
During my first year of seminary, I fell in love with a young (much younger than I). We got pretty serious in a very short time -- so serious that we had met each other's parents and there were talks about getting married. She is one of the sweetest and most sensitive souls that I have ever come to know. She was not a Christian....
I did what a lot of Christians would do when they fall in love with a non-Christian: I tried to "convert" her. Looking back, I know this perhaps brought her much pain -- knowing that I held our love hostage over whether she would come to church and do all the churchy things. She loved me so much that she was even willing to come to church with me once.
After knowing that she was my girlfriend and that she was not a Christian, a person whom I really respected pulled me aside and said to me, "She is cute and stuff, but think about it. You are going to be a pastor one day and she isn't even a Christian. She is not good enough for you." Since at that time I really worry about what others think about me, this person's comment reinforced my insecurity about the love affair.
So, being a rear-end cavity that I was, not only did my girlfriend's church going (or the lack of) start to bother me, but I even told her of the comment I heard. She was hurt, I know. But she was brave enough to tell me, "I know that if I start to go to church and be baptized, all your problems would be solved. But if I don't really believe, all these would just be a lie. Do you want me to be a liar just so that we can be together?" I dared not answer, but I was so tempted to say, "Yes, why don't you just go through with it and all my problems will be solved." We broke up....
My regret today is not the lamentation of being not yet married. In fact, as I was, I was not mature enough to marry anyone -- and it I did marry someone, whether a church goer or not, it would probably end in tragedy. But I regret hurting that young lady, very much. Not only did I judge her, but I also cheapened Christ in her eyes. I essentially told her that having faith equals to achieving some kind of ranking in church.
Had I really known Christ then....
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