Re: Willy Wonka remake NEW CAST List -- Rhinotainment

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Date Posted: 11:15:45 02/28/04 Sat
Author: Sonny Swayze
Subject:

Re: Willy Wonka remake NEW CAST List
In reply to: Michael 's message, "Re: Willy Wonka remake" on 02:14:14 12/29/03 Mon

Charlie and the Chocolate factory- Remake; Cast list
----------------------------------- ------------------

Willy Wonka- Patrick Stewart, Wonka is gay- Like Stewart's character
in that gay film where he refers to himself as a "gay superhero". Wonka
uses sexual innuendo and does nothing but try to seduce Charlie throughout
the entire film. He doesn't give Charlie shit at the end of the movie.
Wonka is killed in an oompa loompa uprising led by Charlie. He is tied up,
stripped and then castrated. He bleeds to death then is eaten by the
oopma loompas.

Charlie- A retarded person, an autistic boy. I mean a full-blown
mongoloid. Yes, I used the word mongoloid. Such as that goofy bastard
in that ridiculous Demi Moore movie "Seventh Sign". Also he'd be
addicted to some type of drug. Prescription drugs he steals from his
mother's medicine cabinet. He also masturbates profusely, and they
show it.

Grandpa Joe- Instead of an old grandpa, he's Charlie's uncle. A younger
guy. Such as David Duchovny. Yes, he's no longer a popular actor and he
can't really act to save his life. Thats the beauty of it. Everyone will
hate him. He'll get killed somewhere in the first hour of the movie.
He pretends to care for Charlie, all along telling him that he's the only
one who cares about him. Constantly messing with his retarded mind and
confusing him. Either he gets killed by Wonka or he hangs himself.

Charlie's Mother- At this point it really doesn't matter. I'm thinking
Gene Wilder in drag. The entire first 10 minutes of the film is Charlie
being beaten senseless by his mother. Kind of like that part in "Goodfellas"
where the young Henry Hill is being beaten by his father for missing
school. Except it goes on for 10 minutes. Wilder would be insanely creepy
in this role. He's quite old and freaky looking and quite easily would
make a convincing psychopath. Charlie strangles her in her sleep while
the other old people in the house watch in horror. Unable to get up and
do anything about it.

Oompa Loompas- Instead of midgets wearing pantaloons with orange faces,
all the oompa loompas are midget mongoloids wielding swords and bats.
They don't sing, they only speak in swear words. Wonka kills them in fits
of rage periodically throughout the movie. Though it doesn't show it, it's
obvious he uses them as sex slaves.

Old people in bed- Doesn't really matter. They're all killed in bed by
Charlie after they witness him murder his mother. He douses them with
lighter fluid and sets them of fire.

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Re: Willy Wonka remake NEW CAST List -Part II- -- Sonny Swayze, 02:34:59 08/20/04 Fri