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Your Own Personal Jesus
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Date Posted: 00:23:18 01/11/03 Sat
THE MILITANT ELITEST REVIEW OF CZW CAGE OF DEATH 4
To start off we have a bunch of nice music videos and little build-ups for tonight’s show
1.Zandig vs. Lobo (Cage of Death)
Zero wrestling. But what can you expect from an over weight tattoo ridden indy wrestling failure with the hairline of a depressed Rogaine abuser. This match is fine, if all you want is 3 huge bumps. They should have just shown the 3 big bumps it would have saved me the trouble of using the FF button on my VCR to bypass there shitty “transitions” in-between bumps.
Match Rating: DUD
2. Adam Flash/Jon Dahmer/Ian Knoxx/Chris Stylz/Derek Frazier vs. Rockin Rebel/Greg Matthews/Doomsday Danny Rose/GQ/Chri$ Ca$h (10 Man Elimination Tag Match)
Holy fucking shit I fucking hate the Rockin Rebel. I don’t mind his cheap heat promos on the shit head Philly and NYC crowd but as Bobby Heenan said in regards to Jesse Ventura’s workrate “once the bell rang it was over”. First in we have Derek Frazier and Rebel. Frazier is your standard Indy green as grass junior heavyweight. Frazier goes to work on Rebel but apparently Rebel is too good to sell for the kid so he just takes what he throws at him and shakes it off (I’m beginning to realise why this shit head was booted from ECW by 1994). Fuck it I don’t need to describe this cluster fuck. Some nice spots, some blown spots, your typical throw away under card CZW match. Only thing of note that happens is the break up of the Rachies (Danny Rose and Adam Flash). They both work well together so hopefully they can add life to the midcard.
Match Rating: ½*
3. Z-Barr vs. Rick Feinberg/Hurricane Kid (Lover Quarrel Match)
Fuck my ball, who books this shit? Z-Barr is a cocky and most of the time funny ass heel but he is an awful wrestler. Hurricane Kid was in the same Backyard fed as Ruckus who also happens to be his trainer…nuff said. Rick Feinburg is one of the newer CZW School trainee’s and if he is any indication of what they are churning out then some one needs to shoot Jon Dahmer (Head Trainer). This is supposed to be a comedy match and from these three I wasn’t expecting anything else. But they don’t even manage to achieve one laugh from me. Z-Barr who has supposedly made vast improvements over the past year is fucking blown up early on. This match seemed to be in slow motion for the most part. Fans are shitting on it pretty quickly and I don’t blame them. Z-Barr wins it with the donkey punch. Barr you need to improve your fucking cardio NOW. Maybe if you spent more time running than you do on AIM “heeling” on random marks you could wrestle better than most of the scum on the BYWLink.
Match Rating: DUD
4. Josh Prohibition vs. Nick Berk (Submission Match)
This should be a nice little match as I like both guys. Berk is pretty hit and miss for good matches since you never know if he will show up or not. I cross my fingers and pray he does today. They start off nice with a simple sequence ending with josh taking an arm drag. …Ok my first gripe with this match. This is supposed to be a submission match meaning you can only win by submission. Now they are using plenty of them but they are just randomly applying them to body parts and not selling them after the hold is let go. This is mostly Berk’s fault. Prohibition is working Berk’s neck for the submission and is doing a great job of it. But apparently Berks doesn’t know what “selling” is therefore it makes all the neck work meaningless. Which brings down this match A LOT. Eventually Ian Knoxx runs in and hits Prohibition with some sort of beer can which allows Berk to apply what appears to be a blown Texas clover leaf. Wait he has a name for this blown move! Texas Clover Leaf 2K2. This could have been way better if Berk had sold the neck but because of it he pretty much ruins what could have been an awesome match.
Match Rating: *
5. Sonjay Dutt vs. Ruckus vs. M-Dogg 20
Ok let me start by saying I hate 2 out of 3 guys in this match with a passion. The two I’m referring to are Fat Fuckus and M-Dogg 20. Fun Fact: All three guys in this match appear on the well known and highly shamed “Best of Backyard Wrestling” video series. As a rule 3 ways suck except when you have three highly skilled and smart wrestlers (see: Am Drag/Daniels/Ki from ROH 2/23/02) but look at all three guys in this match. M-Dogg who was been pro since 1999 and is still green as grass and Sonjay who has about a year of in ring experience and Ruckus who has been stinking up pro rings since 2000 I believe. And non-of them are exactly known for there technical ability. Which I don’t have a problem with as long as they can spot it up cleanly. *sighs* like most of there other three ways they don’t accomplish what I hope. They start off nice enough doing a nice sequence with each guy taking and doing a ranna. Then M-Dogg slips and all most does the splits. I’m pretty sure they had every move and spot planned for this match, which opens itself to failure right away. They do a lot of contrived sequences that I don’t really care for so I am not gonna PBP this. It gets a lot better when it’s just Sonjay and Ruckus going at it. M-Dogg and Sonjay do a nice dive sequence that starts with m-Dogg doing a space flying tiger drop, Sonjay hits a nice corkscrew plancha. M-Dogg blows his fireman’s carry into a cradle breaker like move then takes stereo standing shooting stars from Dutt and Ruckus. Eventually Chris Cash runs in and everyone hits their respective top rope finishers on him before Sonjay gets a flash pin fall on M-Dogg. Which in turn gives him a title shot for the CZW/BJW Jr Hwt Title on following show. I really think this could have been a tremendous spot-fest if it was just Ruckus and Sonjay. I am yet to see their match from Jersey Re-Invasion. I’ve heard nothing but good things so I should pick that shiz up some time soon and review it for your reading pleasure.
Match Rating: ½*
6. The H8 Club vs. Chris Hero/B-Boy (CZW Tag Team Title Match)
Ah The H8 Club. Let the stiffing begin. Chris Hero is back in CZW for the first time since May 2002 (Note to Hero: Hit a fucking gym, tanning salon and ring gear store) out next is B-Boy. I didn’t like B-Boy that much cause he was kind of over weight took some ugly bumps, and had a goofy fucking haircut. Now it seems he has lost weight cut his hair and as this match showcases, takes good bumps! Gage/Hatred are perhaps the most over team in CZW history and they are fucking fun to watch. Hero doesn’t exactly endear himself to the crowd or me by stalling. Stalling sucks ass I don’t care if it’s to draw heat its boring and all it does is make the crowd restless. But a positive is this makes Nate Hatred angry therefore the stiffing will be that much more fun to watch. Hatred goes right on offence and hits a belly to belly suplex and does some back elbow tackles which stun hero and he hits a stiff ass corner charge lariat. Gage is tagged in and they hit a shoulder tackle. Gage goes right on offence and hits a belly to back suplex. Hatred is back in now and Hero is yet to get any offensive manoeuvres in. Nice German suplex my Hatred. B-Boy breaks up the pin fall. B-Boy is tagged in and eats a decapitator (lariat) followed by a double team belly to back suplex. Gage is back in now B-Boy hits reverse last rites and nails Gage with his double drop kick like boot scrape move in the corner. Hero tagged back in hits a cravat suplex on Gage. Hero brings Gage to his and B-Boys corner sling shots Gage. B-Boy brings a sudden halt to Gage by hitting him with a stiff forearm smash. Gage falls back down across Hero’s now elevated knees and B-Boy jumps off the top and hits him with a double foot stomp! B-Boy takes a brain buster from Gage and both men are down. Hatred and Hero are tagged in and Hero takes a sky high and B-Boy gets a tilt a whirl face buster for his troubles. H8 Club now go after Hero on the outside and proceed to murder him with chair shots to the back. Hero takes a pussy ass table bump and B-Boy plancha's on the H8 Club. B-Boy blocks a choke breaker and hits Gage with a Diamond Cutter and then a shining wizard. Gage hits the choke breaker the second time round and gets Irish whipped into a decapitator for the 1-2-3. But the H8 Club arn't done with Hero its BOOTSCRAPE TIME~! Gage takes Hero’s face off.
Match Rating: **1/4
7. Ric Blade/Nick Mondo vs. The Backseat Boyz (TLC Match)
I hate Ric Blade but I won’t let it get in the way of enjoying this match. I don’t really need to say too much about this. Its choc full of high spots and big garbage bumps, the retarded GLF marks out for Ric Blade, go figure. I really don’t know what to say about this match I had lots of fun watching it. Its prob one of my favourite CZW matches ever. Backseats go over with the acid bomb assisted with an open ladder held by Kashmere.
Match Rating: **3/4
8. The Messiah vs. Justice Pain (CZW Hwt Title Match)
This is there first singles match against each other since Messiahs debut in CZW, which was at Answering the Challenge back in Jan 2002. It was one of my favourite CZW matches of the year and maybe ever so it will be hard to live up to it. Let’s see if they can. They start off with an RINGS/UWF-I throwing some leg kicks and blocked punches then go right into a lock up. This is all a feeling out process for both men who know each other very well. They do some nice chain wrestling and exchange Messiah gets the advantage with an arm drag on pain after a few leapfrogs. Messiah hits a neck breaker and gets a 2 count. They take a little too much time working in the corner but pain eventually hits a over head belly to belly on messiah whose lower back smokes the bottom turnbuckle. Little later on Messiah hits a wicked leaping tornado DDT on pain followed by rolling suplexes. Fast forward later on again Messiah goes for the holly roller but takes out an unbreakable table instead of Pain. I’m going to right to the finish now, Gage runs in and gives both competitors choke breakers and pours thumbtacks in the ring. Both men get slowly to their feet Messiah hits the fall from grace into thumbtacks! 2 count! Pain hits the pain thriller on tacks. Messiah kicks out at 2! Messiah hits a top rope suplex into tacks then hits his the pain thriller still only a 2 count! Pain recovers and goes for the pain thriller one more time but messiah reverses in into a crucifix pin 1-2-3 we have a new CZW World Heavy Weight Champion! What a match both men gave it they’re all and as a sign of respect shake hands. This match is more significant that the first and more emotional since the fans loved Messiah and he was very over compared to when he first showed up and people didn’t know what to think of him. That being said I still believe their first encounter was there finest.
Match Rating: **
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