Author:
Kevin
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Date Posted: 22:21:41 06/30/01 Sat
These are courtesy of Glenn:
You are what you eat.
· I am BBQ domestic turkey drumsticks for supper. 2nd. night in a row.
Avoid doubling consonants whenever possible.
· I am not a hunter, but deer need to be thined and I welcome that they poop in the lakes and polute
Ask whether someone can fix your syntax.
· We are experiencing a problem with Canada Geese here.....they don't go home anymore.....they poop in the lakes and polute and in NJ you can shoot 10 in season I think....breast meat I suppose is all that is editable?
Black people with rhythm return to the jungle in the afterlife.
· Sammy was part the ole rat pack, and very successful, dancing and singing and joking... appealing to all races. I'm sure he's glad they found his ancesters in Africa and he could enjoy the life and success he had.
Emphasize that bowel movements occur once a day.
· As for butt plugs.... the back door in either is for one purpose, our daily BM's!
Compliment your equipment. Add exclamation points.
· What I have naturally is plenty ample. Would not trade my personal equipment in for all the
sex toys Doc Johnson offers! If it ain't broke.....don't fix it is my motto!
Explain your services.
· I offer breast exams, free of charge.
You have nearly as much data as Kinsey.
As an older single, my experience says about 7 out 10 hetrosexual women will admit to me owning one.
Throw in a double entendre in quotes that is unrelated to the topic.
· But, they say it only natural in your late 40's, so I guess I've been, shall we say, "getting off" lucky in that aspect.
When discussing a sexual topic, replace words with closely-spelled sexual ones.
· Most women are very honest, with a one on one situation or chat... but on a pubic forum such as this....
When discussing a sexual topic, replace names with closely-spelled sexual ones. And don't forget that cheap suit.
· Keep wimmmin??? Mitch??? Is you daft Clit I mean Clint, that's never a problem, they're all over me like a cheap suit!
If necessary, avoid the sexual spelling, as long as people get the (wink, wink) idea.
· Just a kuntry bumpkin here..
Add lines from once-popular songs by Glen Campbell.
· I need a small vacation, but it don't look like rain.
You represent all men
· It pretty much is woman's thing to enjoy that sensation, directly or indirectly.
Sex toy parties can be heard from a distance.
· I was curious if someone had heard or been to any of those parties
Canadian women are snowbirds who are clueless with new technology.
· Yes, they should be warmed up, not not in the microwave. Have the Canadians ever really learned how to use those? I remember when they first came with rental units, and snowbirds from Canada see one, and would have a million questions about what in world are they and how do they work and why can't they use metal in those.
But not as clueless as Southern California women, who will not only not understand blackouts, but will use "don't" for "doesn't."
· Don't you live in Southern California? Haven't you had some blackouts? I can just see a valley girl trying to deal with conservation, and no hair dryer, curling iron. Honey, why don't this work when I plug it in???
Ha ha ha.
Women are sensitive. Men are not.
· Those ultra sensitive. The ladies, I'm not surprised, the men...I am amazed at the ones who get miffed!
Commas are to be inserted between noun and verb.
· Geography, was a facinating subject for me.
Add as many parenthitical clauses as possible.
· Hey this one, if pregnant, will have, if she can make that decision, long before she is put to death, and she probably will not be put on death row.
Assume there is a board historian.
· What was Lizzy Borden on before prescription medication was freely given?
If someone asks for expert mechanical advice, respond with a sexual cliche.
· Do the best ya can..If it has testicles or tires, you're gonna have trouble with it!
If someone would like to purchase camping equipment, suggest a woman or sexual object. Include a misspelling.
· Maybe an a nice size one..a plus sized gal..blow up vinyl would help releave your frustrations?
No sentence is too short for creative spelling and syntax.
· Get it on a scope and thier opinion.
Omit unnecessary verbs
· They will a diagostic test and use process of elimination.
Adverbs may be used as verbs.
· I'd sooner the west coast of Florida where I own a little condo on salt water.
When generalizing about a state, emphasize that the state's cities are not included. Add the cities and be sure to give an example city.
· California, and its cities, like SF, is truly that land of fruits and nuts and carefree and liberal lifestyles!
There are two sides. One should not take either.
· Extremism to one or the other is not welcome in our society. The queer odd, same sex getting in on... folks or gay or whatever ever term is used, need to learn to embrace the heart of America and Canada... and the facts are they they enjoy a square peg in the round hole. That part need not be important in anyone's life. They need to focus on the
real life and not be so one way or the other nor the other side the same.
Laugh at funny thoughts.
· I don't know if there is much penny candy around by the penny, but if not......lol.....
A misspelling by someone other than you is cause for a humorous soliliquoy.
· It is that way sometimes..On a bike and a motorist pulls over and asks me for directions. Out of state tags... Well, for where they wanted to go, I really was not sure they could get there from where we were. It took me awhile to think about it. So, anyway, it did come to mind and fall in place. I told them, well just go straight ahead.... and make a left.. up the road a piece, at the corner where the old schoolhouse used to be. You'll see a fillin station and ask them.
If someone replies to a post about donating, reply sarcastically. Be sure to include a reference to Pike's Peak.
· Oh my goodness, I heard violins playing Francis Scott K's little ditty done with Pike's Peak in mind on that one!
When called on your sarcasm (or sacasim), deny it using sports references.
· most of my posts are bull, but some are not. My strike outs are more common than my base hits. Just so we all stay in the game and your quip was taken lightly with humor, and then you say I'm being sarcastic? I am many times being silly, and stupid, but not sarcastic, unless I am met with sacasim...I fight fire with fire... That's not a trait of mine to be truly sarcastic.
Donating money to people you don't know will just go toward a jubilant funeral.
· It may be for to pay for the half keg at the wake.
Dig up your ancestors once a year. If you can't, let a brother or sister bury a mannequin.
· My parents and grandparents have graves side by side with a nice size seperate granite memorials purchased in the 70's...very expensive today.. and I try to plant the graves each summer. But if not..siblings will place an artificial which is just fine. They, and the grave sites are nearby
Dictate postings while coming out of deep sleep. Transcribe them word-for-word later.
· Cremation, today, may or may not be for those economic purposes, but could be mandatory in a few years as burial space is limited.. If I have the choice, and I have... life policies that should give me that choice, but need to spell it out in the will and earmark the life policy for a preplanned.... with a trust worthy mortician/funeral home. I have, with that cremation thought, that feeling of burning "in hell?" for sure? lol Then again rotting in the grave is not a nice thought either? They both seem so unpleasant! Well when we are gone, I guess it does not really matter to anyone.
Drugs are bad for some reason.
· The people taking those illegals are not bad, the drugs are. They are for a reason.
Be sure to include Canada.
· People have enough health problems in this country and Canada, needing so many
prescription medications, some at age 40ish.
Bgin sentences with objective pronouns.
· Us who don't have kids to worry about, our vehicle is our greatest
potential pain in the ass!
Use Ebonics for no apparent reason.
· You be down wit dat, girl, as one could say, using Ebonics
Respond to a serious, venting post by emulating a ghetto gang member.
· I be down wit dat! Ya'lls.. movin to da cribs on dem broke up tribes is a trip for dem chidrens.
Explain that you're not callous, but people require too much sympathy.
· I've not shared first hand with the terrible mental and medical and money and broken families, so forgive my being a bit harsh. I'm truly not that way. It's a rough row to hoe for many. Some just need and thrive on sympathy just a little too much.
Teasing and provoking are cute things to do.
· My posts are not to be taken mean spirited. I do like to tease and provoke someone to present their view.
DP is only for people with problems.
· Neither one of us belong here.
Wonder if someone is having a problem and whether you want to explore it.
· My thought is that they would become ticked off is beyond me. I can read alot and take it as a joke, and they know I mean it that way, and then for some to be so looney as to take my detailed post and them saying ???...is they having a problem which I want to explore. What's wrong with Glenn? What's wrong with Ari? What's the diagnosis?
Do not attempt to understand.
· I'm not evil towards Mr. Ari or Mr. Glenn, yet they are there to talk about my posts? I'm not talking about them, am I, not before they are hitting on my posts as being unfair?
Diagnose freely.
· These guys on here have some mental problems, and my light hearted quips here and there are just a little too much.
If someone gets upset, keep the teasing up.
· Please ignore my posts in the future. You are easily aggitated and that is not good. Life is too short. Take something to relax yourself ;^) (just teasing) I'm very good at that!
· PS: You're all very cute when you're passionate on your views too!
Rachel especially!!!
People in their 20s are problem-free but don't know it.
· It is amazing to me that you are foot loose and fancy free, yet you post nothing but personal problem after problem and for, a little wet behind the ears, youngster....a nice person, who has life so very much ahead of him, have no clue as to really hard times, dependants, etc... You've got the world by the tail at that age, or damn well should have
Lesbians go into gynecology.
· I'm positive many females in the business are lesbians. ]
Explain that you are not like women.
· I'm somewhat analytical by nature, you can talk me into anything, while women are more on the reactionary side.
People in Michigan and Minnesota are too cold for intelligence or sex.
· well, your are up there, sugar darlin, all winter, gone half fridged and ain't gettin much, what can we expect? You are in that Great Lakes, I know it all attitude country.. MI, most, in time, move away to a much better climate, and your neighbor, MN, elects this idiotic Jessie the body, Ventura for state leadership, the Governor, OMG Hubert H. Humphrey must be rolling in his grave!... Well, it just tells us something about the lack of brainwaves up there! Do you go icefishing?
Fit as many peurile cliche's into one sentence as possible.
· let em know who's poop don't stink, and tell em not to let their butt get hit too hard as they walk out the door. Just tell em, it's your way or highway!
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