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Date Posted: 13:02:54 01/28/03 Tue
Author: 社長
Subject: Re: 不仄已經更正,請予以評點
In reply to: 風舞者 's message, "不仄已經更正,請予以評點" on 13:19:16 01/27/03 Mon

咬著牙關填的長詞,單是耐力也值得欣賞。

殘冬將盡,鳥花待時起,春來雲散。元旦間閑思遠去,埋首屋中書卷
此中的反差和期許脫軌很值得玩味

不過間閑、花落隨書戰、伴同窗外之願較怪,也不知是何意思。

題材我想是溫習會考課文吧,是新的,但其實埋首卷堆想真點又新不到那裡去,而以陳濫的感悟(富貴命定、成敗由天等)處理則更無甚可觀。

袁兆昌《結帳》中有一首寫溫習歷史課程的新詩,藉得參考

已自然了很多,甚少堆砌的痕跡,繼續努力 :)

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