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Date Posted: 14:16:26 04/22/03 Tue
Author: Liam
Subject: John Stan Mallon, Orange Order Emeritus

A Chairde

The Ulster Scots Agency has an opening for a new Board Member.

Chief Executive, Stan Mallon is presently busy dealing with his US sentence for chasing a poor little 14 year old girl who turned out to be a police plant.

His best friend Alistair Simpson, Govenor of the Apprentice Boys, has stayed in close contact with Stan. Will Glendinning and Simpson are working hard on the image of the OO and to attract new blood to the Orange Order. Strategies to attract 14 year-old girls are needed.

Lord John Laird PR, Jim Devenny and Bob Stoker, former UUP Belfast Lord Mayor have all endorsed Stan Mallon for his close ties to the Orange Order and his life long commitment to keeping the Orange Order culture after his own character.

All are saddened at Stan's apparent lust over a supposed American Cathoic girl. Afterall, there are plenty of lasses in the occupied north.

David Trimble was overheard saying that he was thankful that Stan didn't stoop so low as to seek a 14 year old girl in the "pathetic, sectarian, mono-ethnic, mono-cultural state", south of the occupied north.

With the recently renewed Brit/US realtionship, it was hoped that leniency could be sought and Stan could be returned home for the 2004 Marching Season.

I don't know how to say it in Scots-Irish but there is no way Stan Mallon will have to be Stand Alone. We are proud that he is still thinking sex at his age.

The bhoys at home are all proud of Stan for speading the word of the Orange Order and keeping with its principals.

As you all know and realise, the Orange Order is the one organisation that spans all cultures it the world. Our motto "EQUAL RIGHTS TO ALL - SPECIAL PRIVILEGES TO NONE".

Except for you know who!

Slan
Liam

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