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Date Posted: 01:10:40 03/11/03 Tue
Author: jonny strangeways
Subject: a message from your LEADER



GREETINGS MY MINIONS.

I just wanted to drop a line to you all. I know you don't often hear from me, I'm often locked in my lair, concocting different, more exciting ways of conning you into goingt o see Mark Hibbert.

So I thought 'why not let the normal people, those unlike me, without superpowers, find out what their revered leader was like PERSONALLY on the INSIDE?'

Are you ready to take a trip into Jonny?



I have many awards, many from business conferences and market research surveys, who consistently find me 'top banana' (don't worry, i know you don't understand, that's business speak). Here I am posing like a woofter with my Oscar, which I won due to my exploitation of the third world indie underground community.



This picture proves that I really have got a vaguely human side. This shot brings back many memories for me - waiting outside the stage door for Comet Gain to turn up at the first Gojonny festival. I had imbibed a 12 ounce bag of coke, snorted of the back of a naked tasmanian gypsy, who I had proceeded to eat in my drug-ridden state. Comet Gain also owed me one of their spare japanese members, they have about 15 in reserve, who I wanted for my private endeavors. Memories!



This is me with my 'other half' Gill - she's very very lucky because she lives a life never ever needing to want - you are all envious - my wealth make her vomit! It would make you vomit too, but you are all too stupid to get me interested.



I had a fight with Richard Branson - he thought he had a better record label than me so I got one of my many awards out from my moist personal pouch and clubbed him thoroughly many times, mostly aiming for his ugly mush. As you can see, I'm giggling in this picture! I'm such a cute indie kid!



this was when I went on a business trip to own of my many saharan sweatshops where I get my flyers and posters made. Children do get killed, fingers do get lost. But it's cheap!
This pictures was taken when I was yelling through a microphone to the enslaved masses telling them to 'WORK FUCKING HARDER YOU SLAGS!!!'



lastly, my cool tattoo. I think it makes me look rather hard. girls like tattoos. I like girls. Tattoos are punkrock and since I own the copyright to punkrock I therefor must, under contract, have a tattoo. It says 'phil collins', he's a punk pioneer.

Thanks you rotters! See you at one of my many corporate get-togethers (gigs)!! And remember, SPEND SPEND SPEND!!!

luv jonny xxx

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