| Subject: Re: To speak or not to speak |
Author:
Deidra
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Date Posted: 17:29:33 07/06/01 Fri
In reply to:
Kyla
's message, "To speak or not to speak" on 14:07:28 07/06/01 Fri
Without thinking about this fully yet, what comes right up for me is that, is speaking about another person in service of that person, or the one your talking to, or something useful? Or is it about making oneself feel superior to the other, and also forming a bond with the person you talking with about the other in order to feel not left out. It seems to me that people do this thing of: well theres two of us and one of the person were talking about so we must be right and better. It's the pecking order thing again. So I try to see what my motive is for speaking about another. The big question for me is "does it serve in some way" My body lets me know right away when I have spoken about another without integrity." And often it lets me know before I say that something about another too. Although sometimes I betray myself and go ahead and say it and it stings!! But then of course, theres the issue of whether the other person would want you to say anything even if it is serving. I guess I think, when in doubt don't do it. Not that I always live up to this either. And when I don't my body feels fear. To do what your going to do Kyla is scarry. I think much can be learned from it. I think I will do it too. I can already feel the empty places in conversations and the fear that brings up. I have a friend I still see from my old life. She has been uncomfortable about my not gossiping, and keeps pressing me to say something juicy. Gossip, or something intreging about my life now. I know she doesn't want to hear about my new life in all it's wonder and depth. She wants some droll irony, for me to make fun of what I'm invloved with and I can't do that. The silence is uncomfortable for her. Anyway I also have been thinking about your return message to me Cassie, about the need for attention and being special. I think the key here is whether it is a normal animal and human need for a person, or whether for the person it is a governing sentimentality, and therefore needs to be explored extensively. I have been checking to see if this is one of mine, and although I have many, attention and being special doesn't seem to be up for me. I just want to be included in this wonderful family of this works community, and because of my childhood it seems like an amazing thing that I am, and I have to let myself relax and enjoy it. Saying this is not a G.S. of mine, doesn't in any way make me feel better than you Cassie, I just have different issues to work. And they are just as broken. And I think this has brought up an interesting dialogue, and shows how each of us have to find our own cliffs to jump, and how for one person something such as specialness and attention can be just greenlighted as part of the human condition and for another it is a place that has become an extreme reaction to a deficit in a persons life. Thankyou for coming out with your GS Cassie, your vulnerability is making this forum such a real and honest place for many of us. I will write more about my broken places soon. Love to you.
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