| Subject: Re: The dreaded Goomba |
Author:
Gill
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Date Posted: 16:03:40 03/25/01 Sun
In reply to:
cassie
's message, "Re: The dreaded Goomba" on 15:34:32 03/25/01 Sun
Thank you, Cassie. You have brought tears to my eyes. Yes, I too find my heart leaping with joy everytime there is a new message - so that is definitely my inner critic.
I'm completely exploring the issue here - but there was something about that "fraud" feeling last night that related to love and/or emotions. I have loved many times in my life, only to have it seemingly disappear so that it seemed "fraudulent" - a bit like my experience the other evening of the core wound, which, when it went, seemed to deny the reality of what I'd just experienced.
I often express my love for you all here on the Forum; but then I found myself questioning just how sincere I was about that; or, rather, how that would work out IF WE ALL LIVED UNDER THE SAME ROOF rather than just posting messages on this board! Would we all love one another then? Or would we just piss each other off with our individual habits and ways of life, etc.! To me, this is resonating with my own deep wounds around relationships, of course. A longing to be with people, and an absolute fear of it. Embodiment and relationships, huh? Why the hell am I doing this? (That doesn't need answering).
There is also something in what Paul's posting says around these "two voices". For the Absolute (for want of a better term) quite frankly doesn't give a damn about individuals. To quote Saniel from his interview with John W. Parker: "Curiously enough - and I say that because there's so much "greenlighting" of the person here - that fire is not really "a respecter of persons". It's a transformer of persons, no less ruthlessly so despite the fact that we are free to be as loving, caring, and gentle with one another as possible".
It's the split between "Consciousness AS" and "Consciousness OF" in Ted's recent essay. It's the split between an apparently uncaring Absolute and the fragile, very caring bodymind. Or something like that. As I say, I'm poking around here.
Wow. It's 1am here and I should have gone to bed a while ago (work tomorrow). But I appear to be getting addicted to this Forum!
Tons of love.
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