| Subject: Re: Completing my first birth while driving into my second |
Author:
Chris
|
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
Date Posted: 13:54:13 03/23/01 Fri
In reply to:
Chris
's message, "How exactly am I Consciousness?" on 13:41:16 03/23/01 Fri
My soul nature has been based on not being here as a self. This is the paradox in my personal being.
This is why coming upon the sense of deep selfhood inside of exhaustion is so unfamiliar.
Has my soul re-organized from being in suspended hysterical animation to grounded and exhausted selfhood - all within a gradually awakening Being?
Or am I awakening as Being in the midst of my broken and selfless soul, and falling through it as Consciousness? Is Consciousness how I account for the increase in selfhood?
I certainly am witnessing my broken soul in its suspended hysteria. It's as clear to me as the lamp.
I guess I have a feeling that Consciousness is what I am awakening to primarily, and that it is dropping me into my body at the root point of contact, from which I suddenly find myself to be here in an utterly new way, with startling confidence. I don't think my soul-nature is being re-configured: I think I am becoming increasingly here as Consciousness and in exhaustion from no longer being hysterically animated, I am recognizing the obsolete ruins of an increasingly unused self.
But I marvel at the problem I am facing: how my sense of me-ness has been an inverted one, a selfless one.
In some sense, I am encountering a kind of first-birth along with my pregnancy in Being: a first birth awakening to being here at all, not to mention in becoming conscious as Being.
I've always been Conscious: that's obviously true. But I have not always felt myself to have a central self in relation to others. My governing sentimentality has been precisely to not have a self in relation to others.
What an event.
[
Next Thread |
Previous Thread |
Next Message |
Previous Message
]
| |
