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Date Posted: 11:09:33 03/21/03 Fri
Author: DammitBoy!
Author Host/IP: cache-rl05.proxy.aol.com / 152.163.189.101
Subject: This just in:

(AP wire service)-

Seattle, Washington:

In a desperate attempt to distance himself from the AOF, Bullock has changed his legal name to Optimus Prime and moved to Wisconsin.

Bullock, former God-king of the AOF cites the loss of his cats and his girlfriend as the stimulus for his name change. “Plus, I figured it would really impress all my Army Reserve buddies.” stated Bullock.

‘Optimus Prime’ states that his first objective under his new moniker will be to convince the Army to change the color of it’s basic fatigues.

“I really don’t care what color they change the fatigues to”, said Bullock/Optimus Prime, “ as long as it changes from green. When you’re as short as I am, green only helps to heighten the leprechaun references. Just ask Tone, he’s switching to the Air Force in an effort to get away from the ‘wearing of the green’.”

-----------------------------------

Washington, D.C. :

President Bush encourages U.S. citizens to go out partying this weekend saying that, “To do anything less would be a victory for the terrorists.”

On a related topic, President Bush has lifted his daughters curfews and loosened Secret Service fraternization policies.

--------------------------------

Chicago, Illinois:

The FBI has released information to all fast food restaurants in the greater Chicago area in the hopes of apprehending suspected Al Queda operative, El Omar Mohamehd.

Little is known of El Omar Mohamehd, with the exception of his obsession with crpg's and his penchant for jalapeno bagels and fruit'n yogurt parfaits.

The FBI suspects El Omar Mohamehd uses lan connections and several internet message boards to pass coded Al Queda messages.

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