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Date Posted: 12:48:10 05/22/03 Thu
Author: Drake - Long...
Author Host/IP: 24.24.59.12
Subject: It was fitting. (Yet another review, my first and maybe only)

Note: Written on Wednesday

I woke up this morning morning and it was raining. Not pouring, just drizzling. But somehow that seemed fitting.

I loved the finale. I really did. The scenes that may have bugged me a bit at first, I'm now viewing as more and more appropriate.

I should also mention that I haven't stopped crying. As much as it hurts me, I just keep hitting replay on my computer and watching the episode, especially the final half, over and over again.

I couldn't sleep last night. I got maybe 3 hours off and on. There's this rock in my throat that won't let me breathe right. Every now and then I catch myself and say, "It's only a TV show." But I just realized something.

That's a load of crap.

"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" wasn't a TV show. It was a vision. A dream of what could be, of what is. Jane Espenson once said that the appeal of BtVS is that "inside we're all superheroes and no one knows it". Buffy, Willow, Xander, Giles... The core four. They were.. are idols. Through better and through, more often than not, worse, they remained a fixture. A portrayel of what the human spirit can accomplish.

It's no secret that the show itself is a metaphor for life. We don't send our boyfriends to Hell, but sometimes breaking up feels that way. I never blew up my high school, but it did feel like a war was fought there... and I won. Struggling with old and new friendships... growth and change. On AtS this year it was said that "love is sacrifice". No truer words have been spoken. When traumatic events have turned best friends against each other... the world, your world, is being destroyed.

Finding out who you are, who you've been, and who you strive to be... being comfortable, confident, and proud of your place on this insane planet is the most difficult thing of all. That's what this year was about.

Season 6 tore the group apart. Buffy lost her will to enjoy life. Xander lost the first women to ever make him feel like a man. Willow lost her sole-mate - her very heart. Giles lost his role. Anya lost her humanity.... literally. And Spike lost everything, only to realize that he never really had anything and finally made a decision to change that.

The recovery was difficult. Slow, depressing, painful, at times - poignant, sometimes inappropriate, and every now and then unrealistic... but that's life. There is no logic ruling our existence. There are no laws where the heart is concerned. Friendship, family, and love... there is no rule book. We make it up as we go and pray to God(dess) that we don't screw up too badly. On Buffy, screwing up was a matter of life and death. To us, it seems that way.

I'm not going to comment on everything. Not all the hilarious moments (and there were many) but rather the dramatic ones. The events that keep running through my head, and the scenes that, to me, are priceless.

I'm am soooo glad that Joss didn't drag out the "triangle". I was happy to see the explanations given right at the beginning of the episode. But needless to say, both Angel's and Spike's reactions were great. And the hand-drawn picture on the dummy... beyond classic.

Months ago, it seems like forever, Buffy told Spike that she believed in him. In "Chosen" she proved it by giving him the amulet. I'm going to say this once, and only once... otherwise it will need to be repeated in every discussed-scene. The acting was superb. SMG, JM, AH, NB, ASH, EC, MT... all of them. Even the potentials. Wow. A special note to SMG who spoke with her eyes more than anything. It was beautiful and touching to watch.

Xander and Anya were absolutely adorable. In the first segmant I had completely forgot about all that they had been through and saw them for what they always had been and still were - Totally, and completely in love with each other. *sniff*

Buffy's speech was different this time. The reason why I found this one inspirational, and heartfelt... was because she wasn't a general. She was a young girl, in an incomprehensible situation... just like all the potentials, and for the first time in a long time, that strength in the face of ominous vulnerability really came across.

Buffy coming down the stairs, as her and Spike face each other... Until JW fesses up in an interview, if he does, we'll never know what happened that night. Personally... I'm not sure I want to. Those two had been through so much. Six apocalypses, chips, death, Heaven, lust, betrayel, souls, insanity, trust, friendship, and, dare I say it, love. That night was something private, something for them alone. I kinda like it that way.
Still... it does piss me off though.

A moment for Joss Whedon. The man is a genius. I don't care what other people think or say, I'm in awe. The cinematography on the High School and the Army... the angles, the direction... It silently added so much.

I thought the battle pairings were fitting. Spike and Faith - the warriors. Xander and Dawn - simply put: family. Anya and Andrew - the outsiders- the incredibly brave, purely human, outsiders. Giles and Wood - the guides, the watchers, the teachers.

This show has always made my heart momentarily stop on account of the perfect thing said at the perfect time. Joss and co. know exactly how to be feelings into words... and when they shouldn't be. Dawn's, "No. Anything you say is going to sound like goodbye..." was a shining example of this. There was no heartfelt speech or drawnout proclamation... they had been through this before. They both knew how much they loved one another... words weren't necessary.

Then Buffy as she turns and joins the stragglers... the Core Four. The parallel on the end of The Harvest was incrediably moving for me. It was quick, humorous, offbeat, and frivolous... and that was just right. Amidst all that's happened we sometimes forget that Buffy started as a ditz, Xander a goof, Willow a nerd, and Giles a stuffy librarian. They've come so far... but some things don't change. Some things shouldn't change.

The three best friends walk down the High School hall way. It's a scene we've witnessed so many times before.... but never quite like this. It was a small and all too perfect touch to have them leave each other the opposite way we met them... like counting down.
We met Buffy. Then Xander. Then Willow. Then Giles.
Giles turns away. Willow steps aside. Xander shares a look. And Buffy walks alone.

Again - a toast to Joss. Willow's spell was just plain cool. The flashback, a la Showtime, and the girls around the world. I was especially fond of the girl at bat... she got that look in her eye that just reminded me of Buffy's early years.

All the potentials are now Slayers. I like the idea. I really do. But at the same time I don't. There was always something endearing about the fact that Slayers suffer alone. Alone - like we all feel. And now that there's countless more empowered young women out there... I find myself quoting Xander, "But the more people who know the secret, the more it cheapens it for the rest of us..." However, at the same time, as corny as it was, it was fitting to have the power open to all who remotely deserve it. That we're all chosen, that we're all strong.

The fight was amazing. I again praise Jossy. Vi was particuarly entertaining. She just kicked ass... and it was great to watch. Kennedy too... I have fluctuated on her character but I loved her in the episode. On a whole, the special effects, carefully placed slow-mo, fighting choreography, and the score. Oh my God... the score. I found myself wanted to cheer in my seat. Label me a dork - whatever. It goes down with the Becoming sword-fight, Buffy/Faith showdown, Graduation Day massacre, Primeval spell, the spectacular kicking of Glory's ass, and Buffy/Willow faceoff. Some stuff is just fun to watch.

Buffy vs Buffy. Or more accurately The First vs Buffy. "I want you to get out of my face." And the ensuing slowmo rise of determination... Any vid I make with scenes from Chosen? That's in there. Guaranteed. Hell, any vid period. I'll find a way to get that in.

Another praise for the score. Robert Duncan astounded me. I have loved the score all season... but he really outdid himself for the finale. I just pray to God that ME, and Duncan are smart enough to sell a Buffy Score CD... Okay, I'm begging them too. Please. Pretty please.

Spike's death was unbelievably perfect. It wasn't until later that I realized that light shining down on him was indeed sunlight. I'm slow like that... but really I think it was because there was so much more to focus on. The light shooting out of him was a great subtle turn-around on his soul shining into him last year. He was by Buffy's side, til the end. Just like he always promised he would be. But for the first time, she was by his. Buffy taking Spike's hand and the consuming flames... I can't express how poignant that seems to me. Someone reminded me Tuesday that Spike had once said that "Love is passion. It burns and consumes..." Their interlocked hands burning, without either of them caring... wasn't consuming. It was eternal (another poster first said that, but for the life of me I can't remember who). The way that Buffy says, "I love you..." in a small and somewhat desperate way... Spike's acknowledgement and acceptance.. or lack there of. Did she mean it? I have no idea. Another question for the Joss man. But, I choose to believe that Buffy did mean it and does love Spike... In a way that only those two characters could ever understand. And I'd love to think that Spike knew that too. Morgain's explanation suits it best... Buffy loves Spike, but not the way Spike loves her. Perhaps because she's still "baking", perhaps because he just loves her that much... He knows this, he accepts it. Spike sacrifices himself for the world, and for the chance for Buffy to be happy, to finally live. Spike perished consumed by fire. A force inside of him that burned him inside out... I'd like to think that force was love (cue sappy music). And he died laughing... cuz how completely perfect was that? In Becoming Spike joined Buffy's side for the first time, because he "...wanted to save the world". He finally did. As a hero.

Buffy jumps down from the bus and looks in front of her to see wide open road. WIth nothing to stop her. And behind to see all that ever was, as we have known it, gone.
Can I use the term "perfect" again?

There's also something poetic in the fact that the last line, the last word, spoken by Buffy in the series is "Spike." The look on her face as she tells Giles who saved the world... It was almost pride. All season she claimed that Spike had changed, that he was becoming a "better man", and he proved it. She knew what he could be and he finally knew it too.

The Cleveland Hellmouth. I liked the idea of another town, another group, fighting another Hellmouth... almost like Joss is telling us, "Ha! You thought it's over? It's never over..."

Buffy and Dawn stand side by side. Both motionless and staring at what was their home. As the scoobies form around them I'm struck by the unspoken bond and similarity between these two. They've always just "looked" sisterly.. but they always acted like it too. In Shakespeare the last person to have the line in a play succeeds the protagonist (I think). Dawn's last words... "Yea, Buffy, what ARE we going to do now?" Dawn has grown on me enormously. Give Michelle a spinoff. I'm there.

Buffy's not normal. I was never a fan of the idea that she lose her Slayer powers. I think the "Chosen" ending is much more satisfying. I don't believe that she will ever turn her back on being a Slayer. Like Kendra said, "It's part of who you are." But I do think that now, finally, Buffy has the chance to live in the real world. To really balance duty and choice. And Joss forbid... be happy. She's earned it.

As the camera pushes in to the slowly emerging smile, the first real smile on Buffy's face in such a long time... I can't help but be reminded of another finale and those ever-echoing words, "We saved the world... I say we party."

The final note. As Joss Whedon's and Marti Noxon's name appear the chord played is.. not what you would expect. It's a little more open-ended... as if to say that the song is over, there's more... we just don't hear it. No matter how many times I watch the last scenes of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", her smile and that note always hit me the same way.
"It can't be over."
And it's not. They go on... we just have to struggle with the fact that we won't see it. We won't witness the mistakes and victories, the laughs and tears, the pain and joy.... That kills me. It really does. My world seems a little less colorful now. More than anything I want more. I want to finish growing with Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles. I want to watch them deal with their problems, so I know how to deal with mine.

"There are no happy endings because nothing ever ends." There is no fitting ending for this band of heroes. There is no one scene that would leave us feeling complete. And that's the way it should be. Joss knew that. Which is why I think the last shot does work... In some mystical way, it acknowledges that there is no ending. Only the next story to be told.

It's hard for me to post this. In part because I realize that it is full of sap and cheese... but really because it's an acceptance. By posting this I admit to myself that "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is over. That I will no longer see Giles clean his glasses, or Willow hack a computer, or Xander make a joke, or Buffy kick some serious butt... I don't want to admit that. I don't want to let go. I can't begin to count how many times I've watching parts of, or the whole finale. But it really does feel like I just lost a very close friend.

"It's just a TV Show."

This wasn't a TV Show. A TV cannot encompass the enormity, the reality of this experience. The lives its touched. The effect its left.
It was a glimpse into the potential inside all of us... It was a demonstration of the power of family, friendship, love... It was a journey that continues... Because in the end, they found their beginning. I hope we can too.

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[> Stupid me - Spoilers -- Drake, 12:49:34 05/22/03 Thu (24.24.59.12)


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