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Date Posted: 06:05:40 03/07/04 Sun
Author: Doyle
Author Host/IP: wopr-p-144-134-177-49.prem.tmns.net.au / 144.134.177.49
Subject: Wow, this certainly blows my last chapter out of the water...
In reply to: silver 's message, ""The Longest Night" Chapter 4, "Deck the Halls with Raving Lunatics"" on 04:13:09 03/07/04 Sun

First of all, I have to say you were very suttle to begin with. I wasn't sure where you were gonna go with your story. I liked the little things like someone chewing cars reminding you of Heatherosa, SB and his adjusting the speakers and finally some sort of follow-up to Bracken's plot thread that was left hanging in your first chapter;) I find it amusing that you made me be this raving Gollumesque lunatic and flask obsession was a crackup. The little bits of continuity were great also. Just when I was wondering, "Why would I be obsessed with the flask after I finished what was in it in my first chapter?" you acknowledged that fact with

He finally asked Doyle why he wanted the flask so badly, considering that it was empty. “It is…precious to me.”

There was quite a lot of parts that made me grin and such but these were the parts that made me LOL:

“But records show that you are unmarried,” the voice said.

“She’s my board-wife,” Doyle explained.

“You’re wife is bored?”

Doyle actually banged his head on the desk in front of him. “No, she’s from a message board. We’re married there.”



"He hallucinated a physical altercation, after which Ms. Knightly left. And though all of that troubles me, I’m more concerned with his flask obsession. The fact that he said he was willing to kill me to get it proves that he’s dangerous." - I got a laugh outta that


And Bracken's ranting was hilarious. Especially “Well you’ve got me pigeon-holed quite effectively now, don’t you? You had this planned ever since your first chapter. This is my punishment for not writing a chapter, isn’t it? You throw me in a freaking mental asylum?!” (*hint hint* Bracken;)


I also loved the little details from LOTR that you incorperated like: He quickly scampered up on top of a stone planter next to the entrance of the hospital, turned, and leaped back onto qc, who tried to stagger away under his weight.

And were you getting something out of your system, a grudge you had against me with all the “Get away from her, you filth!” and kicking and punching of me perhaps?;)

There was one little typo a little way down from the beginning (at least I think it was a typo: He sat at a table in a room, his eyes tied or handcuffed behind his back around the chair. If my eyes were tied or handcuffed then ouch!


The handling of it was well done, silver. Tho it was obvious what you were getting insperation from (LOTR) you managed to keep it fresh, even with direct quotes, by having us all play ours parts/roles (ie. you, me, qc = Sam, Gollum and Frodo) and like I said above, you even managed some cameos and a wrap-up of Bracken's danglnig thread (well, sort of anyways. She's still out there *eg*). Anywho, dispite what you were saying to me earlier, I got quite a lot of laughs while reading it. I've probably forgotten some stuff, but I liked it *all*. And if I *do* do one final chapter, this'll be hard to live up to:)

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