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Date Posted: 06:45:51 07/18/04 Sun
Author: Doyle
Author Host/IP: WOPR-p-144-134-23-138.prem.tmns.net.au / 144.134.23.138
Subject: Angel Season 5 Parody, Part 2...
In reply to: Doyle 's message, "Angel Season 5 Parody, Part 1..." on 06:44:16 07/18/04 Sun

Illyria:*is posturing and putting petri dishes in her mouth*
Wesley:*looks due to walk in front of a bus anytime soon*
Angel:*slaps some sense into the zombie-like Wesley and pulls him back into action*
Wesley:*has found a nice daycare for Illyria, in the form of Spike's "testing" sessions*
Spike:*is finally making himself useful as the company's punching bag for Leery* "I've always had a thing for unstable, demonically-enhanced women who can beat the crap out of me."
Illyria:*communicates with plants and would like to keep Spike as a pet*
Gunn:*is not getting out of suburbia anytime soon*
Connor:*shows up at W&H, healthy and happy and sane*
Audience:"Oh no, the girl has returned!"
Angel:"Wtf are *you* doing here?"
Connor:"My parents brought me here because a speeding van tried to kill me."
Angel:"I'm amazed no one's tried sooner."
(Learning that he has superhuman abilities - which include the ability to pummel demons - doesn't seem to faze Connor much)
Warlock:(to Angel)"It was I who had your son hit by that van. He doesn't know who he really is due to the fact that I altered his memories. If you want it to stay that way, you will convince him to kill Sahjhan for me. Remember him, from Season 3? I have him trapped in a jar. The prophecy clearly states that "The one sired by the vampire with a soul will grow to manhood and kill Sahjhan", so Connor's the only one who can do it."
Angel:"But Connor's not a man. He's barely male. I mean, *look* at those red lips and that feminine hair!"
Warlock:"If he does not kill Sahjhan, I shall undo the memory wipes that were performed on him - and nearly everyone else - at the end of last season, with this device I hold in my hand."
Angel:*reluctantly agrees*
Connor:*walks with a slight skip in his step*
Angel:"That's enough of that!"
(Spike is thrown in front of Angel and Connor as they walk through the halls of W&H. Spike charges back into the room and they enter, only to find him pinned to the ground with Illyria's foot on his head)
Illyria:(referring to Connor)"This one is turned on by my skin-tight leather outfit."
Connor:*is embarrassed and runs off in a girly fashion*
Angel:*begins training Connor how to fight* "You can do this. You're *special*."
Audience:"Repetitive use of that 'S' word would certainly make one feel that way in a very DOOMED sense."
Connor:*is enthusiastic*
(Meanwhile, Illyria is trailing Wesley as he pokes his nose into other people's business. Angel and Connor go to the warlock's mansion)
Warlock:*traps Connor in a room with Sahjhan*
(Apparently, becomming a nice boy has diminished Connor's fighting skills somewhat, and Sahjhan throws him around like a rag doll)
Angel:*runs into a barrier containing the fight within and can only watch* "Boy, I wish Connor had the skill of the killer psychopath he once was, you know, without the memories that came with it."
(Suddenly, it's Wesley to the rescue! OK, not exactly. OK, not at all)
Wesley:(to Angel)"I found out about the warlock's involvement with W&H and the contract you signed in blood!"
(Wesley's so paranoid that he immediately assumes that Angel made an offer to sacrifice Fred in order to save Connor. With Illyria's time-altering assistance, Wesley nabs the warlock's device. Over Angel's protestations, he smashes it)
Angel:"Wesley, you asshole!"
(All the memories come flooding back, although it's unclear whether the thing has any mental effect on Connor. It seems to have a physical effect, as it's the old Connor of old that rises to face Sahjhan. Connor's fighting skills are restored and Sahjhan's head is quickly seperated from his shoulders)
Connor:(to dead Sahjhan)"That's for driving everyone crazy with your pop culture references!"
Wesley:*now has the memories of all the crazy stupid things he did when Connor was a baby*
Illyria:*philsophizes*
Connor:(to Angel)"Later, dude! I'm going back to live with my parents." *turns back to look at Angel silently*
Angel:(to himself)"Does that mean he remembers, or is he just bothered by my shirt hanging out?" *tucks it into pants*
(Having tortured Gunn every day for two weeks, each time culminating in the removal of Gunn's heart, the torture beast is set upon by Illyria who's come to bust Gunn out of the 'burbs)
Illyria:*removes amulet from Gunn*
Torture Beast:*runs at Illyria*
Illyria:*eyes the necklace, then does a questioning head-tilt*
(Cut to the amulet left hanging around the neck of the torture beast, who proceeds to cut out his own heart. Meanwhile, in Wesley's office, Angel is grumbling about how much he doesn't like/trust Illyria)
Angel:"Illyria has two modes: belligerent posturing and belligerent confusion."
Illyria:*steps out of a portal with Gunn*
(When we next see Gunn, he's wearing a hoodie. He walks in on Wesley who looks...a bit crazy)
Wesley:(to Gunn)"Everything is...a bit odd." *punctuates this with a big hand wave*
(Down in the room specially set up for pummeling Spike, Illyria's doing just that)
Spike:"Is your forehead bluer than it used to be? It'd be neat if the blue was spreading."
Illyria:"No, it's just slightly inconsistent make-up."
(They continue to fight, Illyria says ponderous things, Spike quips, then they fight some more)
Illyria:"I was a god. People suck." *uses her time-stop thing to slow down Spike's movement*
Hamilton:(to Angel)"I hold you responsible for damages caused by Illyria's rampages."
Angel:"Oh no! Nobody cares, you smug so-and-so."
Hamilton:"I'm Adam Baldwin." *drinks brandy from a snifter*
(Illyria soon begins to shift in and out of time and space. Then she discovers that the gang plans to kill her since she's so powerful and unstable. Wesley discovered that Fred's body can't contain Illyria's power)
Wesley:"She's about to go nuclear on our asses, wiping out half of Hell-A while she's at it."
Angel:"Find a way to off her before she blows."
Illyria:"I'll kill you first!"
(Cut to the special room for pummeling Spike. Illyria's power causes her to bounce forward and backward in time, repeating moments. In one timeline, she succeeds)
Illyria:*wipes out the entire A-Team in the blink of an eye*
Mutant Enemy:"Look, we just killed all our characters....psych!"
(But things keep jumping around, so the guys are alive, then dead, then alive, etc. Illyria's bounced back to an arguement with Angel. While holding Angel off the ground and threatening him, time fluxes again and Angel is "caught in her wake" which basically means he ends up riding her time-travelling coattails. At one point they end up in the torture basement with Gunn and the demon)
Angel:*is confused*
Illyria:*is droning on about puny humans and godly powers*
Angel:"Shut your bitchin'!"
(Illyria has cramps and they both bounce back to the Spike-sparring room)
Illyria:*tosses axe onto pile of Angel-dust*
Angel:*figures out what's going on and then witnesses Illyria's power erupt and destroy her*
(The explosion sends him back in time once more, and he uses his knowledge of the immediate future to save his friends and Spike)
Spike:(to Angel)"We've found a way to defang Illyria - so to speak."
Wesley:(to Illyria)"Let me use this mutari generator I hold in my hands to siphon off enough of your power so that you can live."
Illyria:"I'm disinclined to believe that you have good intentions."
(She waves her hand so things slow down but then she gets cramps again and everything speeds back up)
Illyria:*begins to melt down*
Wesley:"You *can* stay alive, albeit in a weaker state."
Illyria:*isn't much happier with that option*
Wesley:*shoots her with the ray gun anyway, which saves her from self-destruction but takes her powers in the process*
(Illyria is now a shadow of her resurrected self)
Cranky Illyria:*rants about how pitiful humans are*
Wesley:(to Angel)"She won't be altering the flow of time, hopping dimensions or any other Matrix-y looking stuff, and her strength won't be as great as it was, but she'll still be Illyria, and still possibly problematic."
Angel:"You never had any intention of killing her, did you?"
Wesley:"No. In my own twisted way I *need* her."
Angel:*freaks out Gunn by listening to the advice of ancient demon gods and serving evil clients*
Gunn:"I don't get it. One minute he's compassionate, then ruthless, then idealistic, then Machiavellian. He's like a big brooding yo-yo, yo."
(Gunn wants Angel and/or Spike to retrieve the body of an important demon honcho so they can avert a major war between some powerful demon clans. The body is currently in Rome. Where Buffy lives. They naturally hop in the AngelJet and make for Europe. Meanwhile, back in Hell-A, Wesley reminds Lorne that Illyria got de-whammified, Illyria's all grumpy because Angel took her pet away and Fred's parents show up. Cut to Rome)
Spangel:*knock on Buffy's door only to find Andrew there instead*
Angel:*is disappointed* "Andrew."
Spike:(to Angel)"Let's go."
Andrew:*tells Spangel that Buffy's being romanced by some fellow named The Immortal* "Are you shocked by this?"
Angel:"It's happened before - The Immortal once seduced Darla and Drusilla while holding us both captive for a few days."
Spike:"He's hot, morally ambiguous and lives forever."
Angel:"And we all know alot of women really dig that."
Spike:"Especially women who also like us."
Angel:(to Andrew, before leaving)"Neeeee-eeeerd!"
(So the dynamic duo start searching nightclubs, making a brief stop to pick up the demon's head - which will grow a new body if taken to Hell-A quickly enough. Naturally, they lose the precious item about 5 minutes after spotting Buffy's body double)
Spike:*recalls that there's a W&H branch in Rome*
(So they go there. The place is exactly the same as the one in Hell-A, except everybody smokes. The woman who runs the place already knows about the theft of the head and arranges for Spangel to exchange a suitcase full of money for it. They go to the exchange location)
Spike:"She's my girl!"
Angel:"No, she's my girl, we had cookie dough!"
(A demon - whose ears are on his cheeks - and some goons show up with the bag o' head. The goons play keep-away with the bag as Spangel run around uselessly. Once Spangel finally get a hold of the bag, they discover the head's been replaced by a bomb which blows up Spike's jacket. The W&H lady promises to take care of everything so Spangel decide to give up and go home. They return to Hell-A, thoroughly dejected after Andrew telling them Buffy's moved on and they should too)
Spike:"Who would ever have believed that Andrew was straight?"
(They find the missing head on Angel's desk, compliments of The Immortal)
Angel:"The bastard."
(They discuss how nice it would be to imprison Buffy or put a spell on her so she couldn't get away from them, but they both agree it could never work. Time to get over it and get on with their un-lives. Theorectically, anyway. They don't look to be in much of a hurry. While all this is going on, there's also the Fred back from the dead but not sub-plot)
Illyria:*disguises self as Fred and entertains the Burkles as if nothing happened, to avoid seeing their grief*
(Wesley is forced to confront his dual attraction/repulsion toward Illyria)
Wesley:(to Illyria)"Go back to being blue and talking like a Tolkien villain."
Illyria:*goes back to her head-tilty ways*
(Nina is in bed with Angel)
Nina:"Let's take a vacation."
Angel:"Can't. Uh...I've got things to do...and stuff."
(Angel's erratic behaviour causes concern among his friends who worry that he may have finally become corrupted by W&H. Their worry soon turns into fear. The gang are afraid that Angel's turned evil but it turns out he just wants them all killed)
Illyria:*roams around W&H, mourning the loss of her ability to understand the jokes of shrubs*
Spike:"So, Wesley isn't getting you up to speed on the whole humanity schtick anymore?"
(Spike and Illyria go to Funville. No, that isn't the title of a children's book. It is infact an abandoned amusement park that they go to to kill a demon Angel didn't care about)
Illyria:"Angel is corrupted says I. He cannot suffer intimates and will eventually turn against them."
Spike:"Nah. Just because he appeared in Dido's 'White Flag' music video, doesn't mean he'll murder one of us."
(They're suddenly interrupted by Drogyn, lurching from the darkness)
Drogyn:"Actually, he already has."
Illyria:"Who is this?"
Spike:"This is Drogyn. He was in charge of the Deeper Well and the one who let you get away."
A Demon:*attacks and is killed by Illyria*
Spike:(to Drogyn)"The one who attacked you - were you talking about the demon Illyria killed just now?"
Drogyn:"Were you not paying attention to my dramatic entrance? Did you hear what I said? It was Angel."
Spike:"That's a coinkidink! We were just talking about Angel. Illyria thinks he might be corrupted, but I say no. What do you think?"
Drogyn:"Yes, I think he's corrupted! He tried to kill me!"
Spike:"That's awful - who tried to kill you, again?"
Drogyn:*dies of frustration*
(The gang gathers in Spike's apartment and a not-dead Drogyn tells them how Angel sent a demon to assassinate him)
Spike:"So this demon assassin wasn't the one we saved you from?"
Drogyn:"For the last time, NO! I'm sorry to tell you that Angel helped Illyria escape the Deeper Well and before I killed the demon assassin, it said something about a sacrifice. Someone trusted and dear."
Everyone:*blinks* "Huh?"
Wesley:"You mean Angel deliberately sacrificed Fred?" *shows Drogyn a sketch of a symbol that appeared in one of his books earlier on*
Drogyn:*doesn't recognize it*
Wesley:"I wonder what caused Angel's sudden change in behaviour?"
Illyria:"They've only got two episodes to wrap this all up."
Wesley:"Let's go ask Angel what's up."
Lorne:"Hey! That's a daring plan."
Wesley:"Who should stay behind to guard Drogyn?"
Spike:*volunteers Illyria*
Everyone else:*confronts Angel*
Angel:*sounds megalomaniacal* "I want global power! Mahahaha!"
(In a different conference room, Wesley is muttering that there must be a reason for Angel's behaviour. Just then, Gunn and Spike drag into the room a shackled Lindsey)
Lorne:"What's with the handcuffs on his wrists?"
Wesley:"They must have retrieved him from Angel's penthouse."
Lindsey:*raises his manacled arms* "Hug me!"
Lorne:"Get a haircut, ya hippy."
Wesley:*shows Lindsey the mysterious spikey circular symbol of doom*
Lindsey:*giggles* "Hahalolhoohee. No way they'd take Angel."
Spike:"Who are "they"?"
Lindsey:"They are the Circle of the Black Thorn. It's a secret society." *does his secret society dance while heavily chained*
Spike:"Stop that, it's very disturbing. A secret society of what?"
Lindsey:"An elite group of powerful evil folks. But evil's not the point. Power is."
Wesley:"Powerrrr."
Spike:"I think I heard this speech on Buffy."
Wesley:(to Lindsey)"That's why you came back to Hell-A and tried to kill Angel isn't it? To get into the Circle."
Gunn:"Looks like Angel succeeded where you failed." *taunts Lindsey* "Angel's better at being evil than you are! Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyah!"
Wesley:"We have to bring Angel back to the side of goodness and whatever."
(Elsewhere in noneofthismakessensetown, Illyria and Drogyn are playing "Crash Bandicoot" and trying to figure out the point of it until Hamilton interrupts)
Hamilton:*smashes door open and enters* "Aw, that was my best door-smashing ever. Shame Angel wasn't here to enjoy it. So Drogyn, I hear you live in a tree now."
Drogyn:*sniff* "I live in a cave! The tree is just the entrance."
Illyria:*steps up to defend Drogyn*
Hamilton:*beats the holy hellgod out of Illyria* "Unfortunately, you can't supply all the coolness we need so I'm going to have to stomp on your face." *does so, then kidnaps Drogyn*
(After sending Nina away with plane tickets, Angel enters one of those torture dimensions where the Circle of Black Thornites have met for initiation. Angel has to kill someone good and pure in a ritual sacrifice, which turns out to be Drogyn. That gets Angel into the fraternity, and he seems pleased to be counted among the group of evildoers which include demons, politicians, WB executives, etc. They are the cogs in the Senior Partners' apocolypse machine)
Angel:*goes back to his office*
The Gang:*face off against Angel*
Angel:*grabs Lorne by the throat and casts an illusion that will make any outside viewer think they're still fighting* "Okay guys, listen. I've got six minutes to explain this to you. Everything you know is a lie. This whole thing has been a ruse."
Lorne:"Well then why don't you let me go?"
Angel:"Because I don't want to. I decided to infiltrate the Circle so that I could learn exactly who's behind the apocolypse we've been hearing so much about. My plan is to do away with all the members, thereby seriously undermining the Senior Partners' plans for this dimension. I'm very close now, but if I succeed, the Partners will unleash their full wrath on me and anyone who helps me. We can't eradicate evil, but we can kick evil in the teeth and save a few lives in the process. It will also probably get us all killed. So! Who's in on this "Let's die heroically" plan?"
Spike:"Well, at least you're not making speeches about how we're an army. This is going to be a blood bath. I'm in."
The Others:*raise hands, all aboard the Suicide Mission Express*
(The crew make use of the last few seconds of the glamour. Angel tells them that they'll have to take down the Circle of the Black Thorn members one by one, since they are too powerful as an entity)
Gunn:"Might not suck having Illyria on our side, she's still got the smurf demon mojo."
Angel:"Sure, that's a good plan, Gunn, except for the fact that she may not even be on our side."
(Angel reveals that he killed Drogyn to get into the Circle)
Angel:"It's a whopper of a revelation, I know, but there's no time to discuss it - here comes Hamilton." *punches Spike as Hamilton enters and the glamour wears off*
Hamilton:*is wiping off some of Illyria that got stuck to his shoe*
Angel:*sends everyone packing, making it still look like they're on the outs*
(Hamilton tells Angel that the Black Thornites require his presence at a meeting immediately. Meanwhile, the rest of the gang are scraping Illyria off the floor)
Lorne:*finds Angel's whole crossing-the-line-in-pursuit-of-what-he-believed-was-the-greater-good distasteful and intolerable* "Is anyone, besides me, concerned about Angel's mental state?"
Angel:*is at the meeting of the Black Thornites and making wisecracks*
Black Thornites Leader:*forces Angel to sign away - in blood - any claim he might have to the Shanshu prophecy*
Angel:*signs with a false signature*
Black Thornites Leader:"Sign with your *real* signature, smartass."
(Afterwards, Angel goes to see Lindsey and asks him to join the battle against W&H)
Lindsey:"Why bother? Given what the Senior Partners are and what they'll do to anyone who tries to go against them."
Angel:*gives Lindsey his usual "fight the good fight" speech*
Lindsey:*promptly zones out*
Angel:"I want you, Lindsey."(pause)"I'm thinking about rephrasing that."
Lindsey:"Too late. I've already gone to a scary visual place."
Angel:"Well, I guess that's my homoerotic comments quota filled for the season."
(Angel assigns each of his team to take on various members of the Circle)
Angel:*gives his team a day off to enjoy themselves before the battle*
Lorne:*sings at a bar*
Drunken Spike:*is at *another* bar filled with big biker types and spends free day reciting poetry before a live audience*
Patrons:*cheer loudly*
Drunken Spike:"You must be as drunk as I am."
Gunn:*is at a homeless shelter, visiting his old friend Anne*
Anne:"What, no hommies alive to say goodbye to anymore?"
(Angel goes and finds Connor, who *did* get his real memories back, it turns out. He and Angel have their first ever pleasant conversation)
Connor:"I understand what you did for me, daddio, and I'm grateful."
Angel:"Hmmm, it seems your new fake memories have mellowed you out a little, and maybe even helped mitigate the horrible ones that made you such a basket case before."
Wesley:*spends his perfect day treating Illyria's wounds*
Illyria:*is slightly hurt that he would never accept her taking Fred's form just to please him*
Wesley:"I would rather face reality, especially since I don't intend to die tonight."
Audience:"That was a stupid thing to say."
Illyria:*may be in love with Wesley...in that twisted, demonic sort of way*
(Lindsey and Harmony weren't really in on Angel's "have a perfect day" speech, but they're making a go of it anyway. Actually, they're going *at* it)
Lindsey:*is having a relaxing snog with Eve* "What are you thinking about?"
Eve:*is distracted by that nasty apocolypse business* "Angel."
Lindsey:"Hey, so was...I mean, what?!"
Eve:"Your obsession with Angel is creepy. I was just thinking about the horrible future Lorne foresaw for me."
Lindsey:"It'll be OK in the end."
Eve:*knows better* "Funny how I turned out to be the smart one."
(Meanwhile, Harmony is keeping Hamilton distracted...by having sex with him and telling him everything she knows about Angel's plans. The gang meet up again and Angel reminds them of what they're to do)
Angel:"Assassinate the members you're responsible for and should you survive, meet me in the alley near the Hyperion and expect rain from hell."
Lorne:(to Angel)"I definitely won't be there. I'm willing to do this last thing for you, Angel, that I'm being very vague about but that's it. I'd rather sing and drink cocktails than go out in a blaze of glory." *wears a Doylesque brown leather jacket*
(The gang say their goodbyes in their own manly man ways. A few meaningful glances are exchanged as they all go off to fight what might be their last battle)
Spike:(to Angel)"Think the night's activities will possibly cause the Shanshu prophecy to be fulfilled if we survive?"
Angel:"Phfft! We're not gonna survive."
Spike:"That's gloomy."
Angel:"That's life."
Spike:"If you start singing about how life's a show and we all play our parts, I swear, I'm gonna have to kill you."
(They all go off to their respective missions, and some of them go fairly smoothly)
Spike:*rescues a baby from some demons* "How pathetic a vampire have I become? I'm rescuing babies!"
Gunn:*dispatches Senator demon and her campaign staff by using Angel's old stakes-up-the-coat-sleeves maneuvre*
Illyria:*slaughters a car full o' demons and goes to help Wesley*
Wesley:*is not faring as well with the warlock* "I'm suddenly wondering what made Angel think I could beat a reality-altering sorcerer."
(Their meeting has degenerated into a contest of wills and magical abilities. And Wes is losing)
Warlock:"My magical abilities are better than your magical abilities."
(Wes is suspended in mid-air, with a knife twisted into his gut, by the time Illyria arrives. His previous commitment to complete honesty isn't going to do anyone much good now)
Wesley:*is barely holding his insides inside of himself with one bloody hand* "Lie to me."
Illyria:"The Buffy ep?"
Wesley:"No! *Lie* to me."
Illyria:*knows what he needs to hear and offers it to him, in Fred's form, even telling him they'll see each other in the after life*
Wesley:"That's not true, Fred's soul was destroyed after you came to inhabit her body."
Illyria:"You *did* tell me to lie to you."
Wesley:"I just can't get a break, can I? Even in the after life." *dies*
(Once Wesley is gone, Illyria puts the full force of her wrath and grief into an attack on the warlock. His head explodes like a ceramic vase)
Lindsey:*kills some demons pretty easily* "Alrighty, I'm ready to go back and rejoin the team."
Lorne:"That is not to be. I'm not just here to provide back-up." *pulls out gun and is under orders to finish off Lindsey*
Lindsey:*is appalled that anyone other than Angel would kill him*
Lorne:"That's the way it goes. Bye-bye Lindsey."
Lindsey:"This just couldn't be anymore of an insulting death. I thought I'd go down in hand-to-hand combat with my chosen arch-nemesis."
Lorne:"You really *do* have an obsession with Angel. It's quite unhealthy. See, the thing is, Lindsey, you were not the Big Bad. You saw yourself as Angel's equal and Angel didn't. So long, pretty-boy."
Lindsey:"How could *you* do this? This is cold-blooded murder!"
Lorne:"We've all gone dark at some point. And it's not cold-blooded murder, I feel really guilty about it."
Lindsey:*dies*
Lorne:"Okay, now that you're finally *dead*, I've had enough of this brutal lifestyle. If I wanted constant violence, I would have stayed in Pylea." *goes off to live some non-heroic existance*
(Back at W&H headquarters, Angel anticipated Harmony's betrayal and sure enough, Hamilton shows up)
Angel:"You're as dumb as dogshit, Harmony. I'm firing your ass." *let's her escape*
Audience:"Hey! Why does she get to live but Lindsey gets several bullets in his chest? She should have been staked years ago. Feh."
(Angel and Hamilton go at it - but not in the same way Hamilton and Harmony did - so get your minds outta the gutter)
Hamilton:*is channeling Agent Smith again, beating the stuffing out of Angel* "Why do you stupid little twerps keep fighting when you know you can't win? You can't beat me, I'm Adam Baldwin."
(Connor shows up to help Angel. They do OK, but Hamilton is clearly winning)
Hamilton:*makes Number 1 Bad Guy Mistake: gloating, and in doing so, reveals his one weakness* "My blood has been fused with the power of the Wolf, Ram, and Hart."
Angel:"Mahahaha! You're so stupid, stupid!" *bites Hamilton and drinks his blood as vampires do*
Hamilton:*gets bitten hard* "You need me. I'm your big, scary, robot-like villain."
(This gives Angel enough power to take out Hamilton once and for all)
Hamilton:"I'll live on in 'Firefly' dvds. Come see my movie!" *dies*
(The Senior Partners are royally pissed and start bringing the building down around them)
Angel:*orders Connor to get out, then finds Eve and tells her to do the same*
Eve:"Where's Lindsey? I'm not going anywhere until I see Lindsey."
Angel:"Well, in that case, you'll see him soonish."
(Angel makes it to the alley, where he is met by Spike, Illyria, and a badly injured Gunn in the rain)
Angel:"If only Lindsey could have been here too, we could have complained about his rain-soaked too long hair."
Spike:(to Gunn)"Are you gonna survive?"
Gunn:"I dunno. Let's leave people guessing."
Illyria:*reports Wesley's death and her unexpected grief over it* "I want bloody satisfaction."
Angel:"No time to mourn, here comes trouble."
(The Senior Partners have literally unleashed hell on Angel and his loyal-to-the-bloody-end comrades, and hordes of demons are headed in their direction. There's even a dragon - unleashed from Middle Earth - with what was likely the entire budget allocated to CGI for the season)
Spike:"I always wondered where that dragon from 'The Gift' went."
Angel:"I call dibs on the dragon!" *raises sword* "Let's go to work!" *slashes at the screen and kills the camera man*
Audience:"OH MY GOD! Did Gunn survive his wounds?! Did Angel get eaten by the dragon?!? The WB sucks, bites, blows, and eats babies for lunch!"

The End.

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