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Date Posted: 03:51:10 06/02/03 Mon
Author: First aired Sunday 1st June 2003
Subject: Episode 8.17 - "REVISITATIONS" by anyas_butt_monkey

Previously On Buffy....

Kennedy was a bitch. Xander made a gay joke. Spike flirted with someone. Andrew made a thinly-veiled comment about fancying Spike. Giles was shady and mysterious. Riley & Sam left Sunnydale. Willow called Sam a bitch.

*OPENING SCENE: THE GRAVEYARD*

Buffy and Faith are walking through the misty graveyard, stakes in hands. Neither is talking. They look around, confused at the lack of demons.

BUFFY: Well, this isn't getting us anywhere.
FAITH: Yeh, this new demon bitch seems to be clearing up after herself. No demons to fight.
BUFFY: She's obviously bad for business.
FAITH: It's a shame, really, could use a good scrap....
GILES (VO): Then you've come to the right place.

Giles leaps out from behind a gravestone, with a baseball bat. He whacks Faith on the head with it, hard, knocking her down and unconscious. Buffy looks up.

BUFFY: Giles? What are you.....?
GILES: No time for this now, Buffy...

He goes to fight her, but Buffy is ready for him. They exchange punches, but for some reason Buffy's don't hurt Giles like they usually do in training. After about ten seconds of fighting, another man grabs Buffy from behind. He covers her mouth with a cloth, and after a second or two Buffy falls unconscious too - its obvious the cloth was soaked in chloroform. The man lets Buffy drop to the ground, next to Faith.

GILES: Get the chains.

The figure disappears off-screen, then comes back onscreen with chains. You can't see them, but the rattling is perfectly audible.

VOICE: Here ya go, Mr Giles.

The camera swivels, to reveal who the second man is - it's Riley.

*OPENING CREDITS*

*INT: THE MAGIC BOX*

It's dark outside. Anya, Xander, Dawn and Willow are sitting around a table. They're playing "Uno". Anya puts her last card down.

ANYA: I won! Yey!
DAWN: But I've changed colour. You can't play that card. Besides, you didn't say Uno before...
ANYA: Yes I did. Xander heard me.
XANDER: Uh.....
DAWN: You didn't! You have to pick up two cards!
ANYA: Xander, tell the Brat that you heard me say "Uno"....
XANDER: Um....

Anya smacks Xander around the back of his head, in a friendly way.

ANYA: Cat got your tongue?
WILLOW: Miss Kitty Fantastico does not eat Xander-tongues....
ANYA: Well, she eats everything else, judging by the size of her... Fantastico sure is the right word...
WILLOW: Are you saying my cat is fat?!
ANYA: Only when sitting on a mat, while wearing a hat...
DAWN: Paging Dr Seuss....

The door opens, and Spike walks in.

SPIKE: Hey all.
DAWN: Spike? What are you doing here? Aren't you meant to be patrolling with Buffy and Faith?
SPIKE: Well, I was going to, but I need to talk to Red here first...
WILLOW: Sure. What's the problem?
ANYA: Is it embarrasing?
SPIKE: Uh...
ANYA: I hope it's embarrasing...
WILLOW: Maybe we should go somewhere else...
SPIKE: Yeh. How about Xander's? You don't mind, do you?
XANDER: Nah, go ahead. I suppose I'll have to stay here and argue some more with Anya.
ANYA: Damn straight.
WILLOW: Cool. Well, Dawnie, see you at home.

Willow and Spike head off.

ANYA: I bet they're going to have sex.
XANDER: Anya...
DAWN: Willow's gay, remember?
ANYA: Oh, yeh, she's gay *at the moment*.... But this is Spike.
DAWN: True. Those cheekbones, those abs...
XANDER: Those buttocks...

Anya and Dawn stare at Xander.

XANDER: Well, uh, you know, three guys, living in close quarters, people inevitably see....uh, things....
ANYA: Tell me more...

*CUT TO: INT. XANDER'S APARTMENT*

The place is dark, save for the streetlights shining outside. You can hear a key turning in the doorway. It opens, and two figures step inside. It's Willow and Spike.

SPIKE: Uh... the light switch is around here somewhere... Ah...here we go...

The lights switch on, and Spike turns to Willow. They smile at each other. Then Willow pounces on Spike, kissing him. After a few minutes, they stop.

WILLOW: Thank god we're alone at last. I couldn't wait, not after last time...
SPIKE: You and me both, Red. You sure picked up a few things with that Kennedy chick...
WILLOW: Can we not say her name?
SPIKE: We can say whatever you like....

They kiss again, moving into the bedroom. As Spike opens the door, we see it's covered in romantic items - red satin sheets, candles, and teddies. Mr Gordo takes pride of place. Willow doesn't notice at first, until Spike leans down and picks up the stereo remote. He presses "play", and the song "Everything" by Lifehouse comes on. They pull apart, and it's then that Willow sees everything.

WILLOW: Wow....
SPIKE: Yeh. Took me ages, especially with the Nerdboy hanging around...
WILLOW: Does he suspect?
SPIKE: Nah, I told him that there was a Carrie Fisher signing down at Starbucks as soon as he got annoying - he was off like a rocket. Bet he's still there now...

*SCENE CUTS TO: STARBUCKS*

Andrew is standing outside. Starbucks is closed. It's raining.

ANDREW: She'll be here any minute, Carrie wouldn't wanna disappoint the fans...

*SCENE CUTS TO: XANDER'S APARTMENT*

Spike and Willow now lie under the sheets, naked. They're kissing, while Willow's hand moves down below the range of the screen. Spike suddenly giggles.

SPIKE: Don't do that! It tickles...
WILLOW: But you liked it last time....
SPIKE: Oh, okay then, you convinced me...

Things progress, as the camera pulls out of the room to reveal....

Riley. Standing in the doorway, watching Willow and Spike. A smile creeps across his face.

*CUT TO: NEXT DAY. INT THE MAGIC BOX*

Giles walks in, to find Anya, Xander and Dawn still playing Uno.

GILES: You three been up all night?
DAWN: No.
XANDER: Nope.
ANYA: Yes.

Giles looks confused.

GILES: Well, no matter. We've got a lot of work to do....
XANDER: Research?
GILES: Yes.

All three suddenly leap up, and make excuses.

DAWN: I have this school-thing...
ANYA: There's some stock arriving, I have to go... wait for it.
XANDER: I can't think of anything, but I don't wanna be here.

Giles looks at them, an impassioned look on his face. All three sullenly sit back down again.

ANYA: I suppose the stock will come without me waiting...
DAWN: It's not like I need to go to school...
XANDER: I had no excuse, so I don't need to make another one.
GILES: Good. Then we can get researching. There's the small matter of Proserpexa's temple to be looked up.
ANYA: Boring. I suggest we try to find the most disgusting-looking demons, and make a mock-family tree...
DAWN: Oh! And then we can type it all up...
XANDER: There could be glitter...
ANYA: It could be all official-like, "The Ugly Demon Family Tree".
DAWN: It's a plan!
GILES: *sigh* Well, fine. At least you'll be kept busy. Oh, and has anyone heard from Buffy or Faith?
ANYA: Who? Oh, the Slayers...
DAWN: Nah, they're probably out banging the nearest vampire with a soul...
XANDER: Why? Have they not returned from patrol?
GILES: Oh, they've returned.... in a casket! Mwhahahahaa....

The three Scoobies turn to look at Giles.

ANYA: Sorry?
GILES: Oh.... nothing. Don't worry about it.

They all stare at Giles for a second. Then they turn back to their books, getting started on the Family Tree.

*CUT TO: XANDER'S APARTMENT*

Spike sits on the bed, with the satin sheet wrapped around his lower half. Willow is going around the room, picking up her clothes.

SPIKE: So...
WILLOW: Yeh.
SPIKE: Cool.
WILLOW: Shower.
SPIKE: Want company?
WILLOW: No.
SPIKE: Cool.

Willow heads into the bathroom adjoining Spike's bedroom. Just as she does, Andrew bounds into the room.

ANDREW: So Carrie Fisher never showed up....

Andrew comes and sits next to Spike, as Spike pulls the sheet up a bit higher.

ANDREW:.... I'm guessing you got the day wrong. No matter, it was fun. Are you naked under there?
SPIKE: Uh....
ANDREW: Oh, before I forget, I found this totally cool recipe for some Coq Au Vin, if you wanna try it... you are *so* naked under there!
SPIKE: I'd love to try your Coq... Au Vin.
ANDREW: Sorry?
SPIKE: Nothing, nothing... Say, Andy, I dropped something behind my bed, but my hands are far too masculine to reach down. You have feminine hands, could you get it.
ANDREW: Oh, sure... what did you drop?

Andrew flips over onto his stomach, and slithers up the bed, until he can put his arm down behind the bed.

SPIKE: The sheet...

Spike pounces on top of Andrew. We don't see anything, but we can hear plenty...

ANDREW: Spike?!? What are you.... oh....
SPIKE: Don't worry, luv...
ANDREW: Oh, thats nice.... oh, god, Spike!

*CUT TO: THE TRAINING ROOM*

Dawn is training, as Xander watches. Kennedy walks in from the back door.

KENNEDY: Hey! I demand my mandatory minimum-screen-time, dammit!
XANDER: Fourth wall! You're breaking the fourth wall!
KENNEDY: Oh. Well, I demand to train here with you guys.
DAWN: That's alright, we're going back to the Family Tree now. Seeya!
KENNEDY: Family whatsit? Oh, crap. Hey! Come back!

As Dawn and Xander walk out the training room, we can hear Kennedy muttering to herself. The camera adopts Dawn's POV, as she stops and stares at the transformation of The Magic Box.

A huge canvas has been pinned up along the front wall, blocking the door. Along the top, there is the title "Ugly Demon Family Tree" painted, with glitter sprinkled on it. Giles is on a ladder, fixing the canvas to the wall. Anya is standing next to the books.

DAWN: Uh, guys...

Anya looks up.

ANYA: Oh, yeh. Well, turns out there are a lot more ugly demons than we thought, so Giles here came up with this idea...
XANDER: We're turning the magic shop into a demonology museum?
DAWN: Cool...
ANYA: I thought so too. Come on, we've got a lot of demons to get through.... I'd say this Peraslar is the ugliest male demon...
DAWN: No way, the Jackolius wins that battle...
XANDER: I've always considered the Jackolius more insane than ugly... although both would apply.
ANYA: Maybe he could be the red-headed stepchild...

As the gang debate what is happening, we pan out and swivel to reveal Kennedy standing at the doorway between the store and the training room. She is standing with her arms folding, glowering. Suddenly, a hand touches her shoulder - it's Riley.

RILEY: They don't need you. None of them do. Come with me, we can work together.
KENNEDY: What makes you think I'd want to work with you?
RILEY: If I kill Buffy and Faith, who do you think becomes the next Slayer?
KENNEDY: You don't mean....?
RILEY: Yep. Now, I'll ask you again - won't you come with me?
KENNEDY: *pauses* OK.

They exit through the training room, as the foursome inside the shop continue working on their family tree.

*CUT TO: XANDER'S APARTMENT*

Spike and Andrew are lying under the sheets, obviously in the aftermath. Spike is smoking a cigarette. Andrew is trying to, but each time he erupts in a coughing-fit. Spike just smiles.

SPIKE: Oh, Andy...

Suddenly, Willow comes out of the bathroom.

WILLOW: What the...?
SPIKE: Willow!

Spike sits up in bed, dragging the sheet off Andrew. Willow looks down, and Andrew goes bright red, and drags the sheet back.

SPIKE: It's not what it looks.... oh, bugger...
WILLOW: Spike. It's ok. To tell you the truth, I kinda like it like this...

Willow clambers on to the bed, as Spike just smiles. Andrew looks confused.

ANDREW: What's going to....oh....

The camera pans out, and swivels to reveal a figure standing in the doorway.

It's Sam Finn.

*CUT TO: INT THE MAGIC BOX*

Giles is standing on the ladder, now in a different position, with cut-outs of demon faces in his hands. Anya and Xander are standing back from their canvas, telling Giles where to stick them. Dawn is up in the "Only Giles Allowed" area, looking through some books.

DAWN: Hey, guys, I think I found another... hello, whats this?

Dawn reads down the page, and turns over.

DAWN: A way to enhance your magickal power by sucking it from books. Wow. Nothing could go wrong with that...

Dawn puts the book down on the floor in front of her. She reads from it again.

DAWN: Hmm.... so I put my hands like this, and I concentrate...

Suddenly, a huge blast of wind fills The Magic Box. The cut-outs Giles was holding fly everywhere. All the magicks from the book Dawn is using flow through her arms, down her body and up into her hair, turning it (and her eyes) jet black.

ANYA: Dawn! Stop that! The demons are going everywhere. Who's going to clean this up?

Suddenly, the front door bursts open, a whole being smashed in the canvas. Anya screams.

ANYA: Not the canvas!

The figure walks through The Magic Box, and stands in the centre of the floor. It's Sam Finn.

SAM: Hey guys. Dawnie, looks like you've been getting busy.
DAWN: Kinda. All the better to kick your ass with.
SAM: Oh, I wouldn't have thought so. I've been feeling a little empowered lately, I'm here to do a little ass-kicking of my own.

Sam and Dawn charge at each other, both using Matrix-style leaps and kicks. Xander, Anya and Giles just stand back, watching the action. Anya pulls out a box of cookies.

SAM: This isn't you, Dawnie.
DAWN: Don't. Call. Me. Dawnie.
SAM: This isn't you. The magicks. It's not natural.
DAWN: Feels natural to me.

Dawn and Sam go back to kicking each other's asses. Pretty soon, though, Dawn starts to get tired.

XANDER: She can't hold on much longer.
ANYA: Sam'll kill her.
GILES: Oh, boo-hoo. Pass the raisonettes, please.

Pretty soon, Sam has Dawn in a headlock.

SAM: Are you going to listen to me?
DAWN: Why?
SAM: Because I have vital information about whats been going on here.
DAWN: Nothing's been going on, except that I've grown up.
SAM: Listen! Riley's up to something...

At the sound of his name, Xander perks up.

XANDER: Riley? Riley's here? Why didn't he call....?
SAM: He has a plan.
DAWN: Don't they all...
RILEY: She's right, you know.

Everyone gasps, and turns to the door. They see Riley and Kennedy standing there.

*BLACKOUT - ADVERTS*

*FADE INTO: THE MAGIC BOX, SAME SCENE*

RILEY: I have a plan. And it's wicked genius.
XANDER: Strange. You've never met Faith, and yet you're using her speech patterns...
RILEY: For your information, I have met Faith. Nice girl, would make an excellent corpse.
SAM: Riley...
RILEY: Sam. I thought I killed you?
SAM: Yeh, well, as I told this young lady, I've been feeling empowered...
KENNEDY: You too?
SAM: Shut up, Super Bitch.
XANDER: Can someone please tell me what is going on here?
SAM: It's Riley. His plan - he's going to...
KENNEDY:...Make me a Slayer.

DAWN: No!
XANDER: No way!
ANYA: Yeh, right.

They all look at Giles.

XANDER: Giles...?
GILES: What? I've known about this all along. I'm on his side.
ANYA: Does this mean the shop's mine?
SAM: You? I thought...
GILES: Well, guess again. Riley offered more screen-time for me...
XANDER: The fourth wall, Giles! God, is everyone around here retarded?
GILES: Quite possibly, yes...
DAWN: Wait. So, all of this - the magicks, the Family Tree - was just to keep us busy? So we wouldn't suspect?
RILEY: Got it in one, little bit.
DAWN: Oh. There goes my moment of empowerment...

Dawn's hair and eyes return to normal.

DAWN: Fun while it lasted...
RILEY: So, anyway, we're going now. To kill Buffy and Faith. And make Kennedy a Slayer.
ANYA: Oh no you won't.... here, take a look at this. Guaranteed to make you curl up in the foetal position.

She throws Riley a book, which he catches. He looks at the picture, then immediately drops the book.

RILEY: No..... no.... aaaargh!

Riley falls to the ground, screaming. At the same time, Dawn grabs her tazer, which she's had all along in her back pocket, and zaps Sam with it until she dies.

ANYA: Dawn!
XANDER: You killed Sam!
DAWN: Stop acting like it's a big loss....
GILES: Dang. Well, I guess I can stay around for now...
ANYA: Does that mean the shop isn't mine? Damn....
KENNEDY: Um, can anybody tell me what just happened?
ANYA: Well, it went like this -

*CUT TO: BEDROOM*

Pamela wakes up in bed, shocked, as if she's just had a bad dream. She looks around, slightly confused by her surroundings. Then she hears something - the shower. It's on.

Pam pulls back the covers, and steps out of bed. She stares at the bathroom door, scared yet curious. She takes tentative steps towards the bathroom, and as she enters the bathroom the shower stops. A man steps out of the show - Pamela recognises who it is. It's Bobby. She looks like she's about to faint.

BOBBY: Pammy, what's wrong?
PAMELA: Oh, Bobby, I had the wierdest dream. I dreamt that you were dead, and that everything went horribly wrong on Buffy....

Bobby pulls Pamela towards him, and he comforts her.

BOBBY: There, there... ssh...
PAMELA: It was awful, Bobby, Spike was sleeping with Willow, Kennedy was going to be a Slayer.... oh, Bobby...
BOBBY: It's ok..... you're.... wait. What's Buffy?

Both of them turn to look up at the camera, as the screen fades to black.

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